I was driving along when I saw one of those electronic signs saying "Stationery Vehicles Ahead". I was thinking to myself which twat made that spelling mistake when I crashed into the back of a WH Smith lorry.
What's the difference between Tottenham and Baby P? Tottenham still receive regular beatings at home.
When I was in primary school I stood in front of my whole class and told this joke. Talk about a ****ing lead balloon. Still traumatised...
Two lads were walking through a field when they saw some Rabbit droppings. 'What's that stuff ?' one lad asked. 'They are smart pills', said the other. 'Eat them and they make you smarter'. So the other lad ate the rabbit droppings. 'They taste like **** !'. 'See' said the other boy 'they are already making you smarter'
I spent 8 years as a limo driver. Not a single customer so packed it in. I had nothing to chauffer it.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good...) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
