Two blondes were in a building when it catches fire. "Quick! Let"s jump out the window!" one yells to the other. "What? Are you crazy? We"re on the 13th floor!" comes the reply. The first blonde puts her hands on her hips and, with a stern look, says, "listen here miss, this is not the time to get superstitious."
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me,either. Just f*ck off and leave me alone.
My uncle died the other day - he drank a bottle of varnish. The doctor said he had a terrible end, but a lovely finish.
Two Irish fellas walking down the road. One of them gets hit by a passing bus. He is lying on the floor bleeding, and clearly dying. His mate says "should I run and get the priest? " "What are you talking about?I think I'm dying – it's certainly not the time to think about sex! "
The New Zealand Rugby team - known as the "All Blacks"... But, when I hear that, I can"t help thinking of Arsenal!
A Catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street one day when they see a pair of angelic-looking 12-year-old boys playing football in the park. The priest turns to the rabbi, nudges him in the ribs and says: "I tell you what; lets go and screw those boys" The rabbi looked at him curiously and answered: "Out of what?"
