As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said "Have a good day, son". "Don't call me son. You are not my dad", I replied sarcastically. As the doors closed, he looked me in the eye and said "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?
A man is out playing golf and having the game of his life. He had just completed the first nine holes and had just shot 3 under par when his phone rings. The voice on the phone says, “Is this Mr. Richardson?” “Yes,” he replies. “Mr. Richardson, your wife has been involved in a terrible accident and is in intensive care in St Mary’s Hospital. When you get here please ask for Dr. Conrad” The man thinks about it and after much deliberation, decides to finish his round of golf. He ends up shooting 7 under par, his best round ever and rushes off to the hospital. When he gets there he asks for Dr. Conrad, who approaches him with a quizzical look on his face. He asks “Why did you take so long to get here Mr. Richardson? You finished your game of golf, didn’t you?” The man breaks down and admits he did. “Well,” says Dr. Conrad “your wife has a collapsed lung, a ruptured sternum, and 4 crushed vertebrae. She is completely paralysed, and she is going to need constant care, all day, every day. You are going to have to feed her, bathe her three times a day to prevent bedsores and she will need to be moved every two hours also to prevent bedsores. She will have no control of her bowels and will urinate and defecate which needs to be cleaned immediately to prevent infection. I hope you’re proud of yourself” Upon hearing this, the man collapses to the floor with tears streaming down his cheeks. The doctor says “I’m just kidding…she’s dead! What did you shoot...?”
I went into my local pub with my mate for the first time in over a year last weekend I said to him "The great thing about being back in this bar is being able to see the shores" Him: "What shores?" Me: "Oh, mines's a pint - thanks very much!" please log in to view this image
please log in to view this image For example, just as the Karens in this photo, the herbivores they are observing move in herds. As terrifying as a herd of gigantic dinosaurs would be, I would take the chance of being trampled over having to face these three women on their way to make a complaint about the store they’re in
