I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'
Just spent £300 on a Limo and discovered the fee doesnt include a driver. I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.
A petrol station owner in Ireland was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.' Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.' A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.' As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.' Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick. My wife won twice last week.'
Dave takes his pair of dead cats to a Taxidermist to be stuffed. "Would you like them mounted?" asked the Taxidermist. "Ooooh no thank you" said Dave, "Just snuggled up next to one another will be just fine "
