I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki...I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair.
When Fred Astaire opened the oven and the cake exploded... he had pudding on his top hat, pudding on his white tie and pudding on his tails.....
I’ve just passed my O levels in religious education and woodwork, so if anyone wants an Ark just let me know.
I used to work in New York in a factory that recycled old shoes.it was a boring job just standing pulling a handle on the machine all day but I tried to cheer myself up each morning with a little song."start shredding the shoes..I'm levering today"
My mate confessed to me that he has a weird habit of colouring in the tops of peoples arms... I think he was just looking for a shoulder to crayon!
Little Johnny was playing with something in the road, and his local priest came up to him and said "Hello little Johnny what are you playing with?" Little Johnny said "Sulphuric Acid." Father Walsh said "you mustn't play with that, it's dangerous." Little Johnny said "I don't tell you not to play with holy water." Father Walsh said " No, because holy water is good. The other day I put holy water on a pregnant woman's tummy and she passed a baby boy." "That's nothing" Little johnny said "The other day I put Sulphuric acid on my dogs bollocks and he passed a Ferrari."
Steve Bruce has promised that Newcastle will definitely take part in a major European competition next year..............even if he has to write the song himself !!
Two *****philes are sat on a park bench when a 15 year old girl walks by. The first ***** turns to the other and says, "Hey, I bet she was a goer in her time."
Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources. Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest. After 56, she is like Australia, everybody knows it"s down there but who gives a damn.
