An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.' A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...' After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie the score.' Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got and accidentally poops in the bed. The wife says, 'What the hell was that?' The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
When I was in the pub last night I overheard a couple of dickheads saying that they wouldn't feel safe on a Aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman! What a pair of sexist twats. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the fu*king thing is it?
Queen accused of sending subtle "coded message" to Donald Trump with her choice of hat..... please log in to view this image
One day, a man walked into a dentist's surgery and asked how much it would cost to extract a wisdom tooth. "Forty quid," the dentist said. "That's a ridiculous amount," the man said. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well," the dentist said, "if you don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock the price down to 30 pounds." Looking annoyed, the man said, "That's still far too expensive!" "Okay," said the dentist. "If I save on time and simply rip the tooth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to 10 pounds." "Nope," moaned the man, "it's still too much." "Well," said the dentist finally, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students do it using pliers, I suppose I can knock the price down to a fiver." "Marvelous!" said the man. "Book my wife in for next Tuesday!"
