"Certainly," I replied. "My wife's best friend on Monday and Tuesday, my secretary Wednesdays and Thursdays, the cleaner on Friday night and the babysitter over the weekend." "Very nice," said the doctor. "But when I asked if your affairs were in order...."
I hate it when parents name their kids after s*it they can’t afford. Mercedes Ruby Porche Lecky Gas Phone bill Council tax.......
Got in a bit of trouble with the missus last night. She asked me, "where would you most like to be buried?" She slapped me when I replied, "I"d like to be buried up to my balls in your slutty sister"
A man was in a long line at his local Tesco store. As he got to the check out he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Checkout 5." The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the check out, he told the girl that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the check out for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Checkout 5." A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the check out he told the girl he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said... "Mop and bucket to Checkout 5
Two guys are chatting in hospital. first one says "I'm in for an endoscopy, they are going to see whats going on down my throat! "What you in for?" Second guy says! "A camera up my butt!" The other guy says! "Colonoscopy its called!" The other guy replies! "No....camera up the butt,......my wife caught me taking pictures of our neighbour's tits!
