In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends!
Little Jimmy moves to the countryside to his aunt's, he comes running in and tells everyone that the bull is f*cking the cow. His aunt says "We don't say that, we say the bull is surprising the cow". Anyway, Jimmy goes out to play and after an hour he comes back in and says "The bull is surprising all of the cows". His aunt says "don't be silly the bull can't surprise all the cows". Jimmy replies "He is, because he's f*cking the horse".
My mother-in-law asked me "If you hate me so much, why is my photo on the fireplace?" I replied "To keep the kids away from the fire"
Two cows are in a field. One says to the other "What do you reckon to that mad cow disease?" The other one says "It doesn"t bother me - I"m a fcuking duck!"
Little boy crying in a Romford supermarket. Man says to him "What"s up son?" The little boy replies "I can"t find mummy" The man says "What"s mummy like?" And the boy replies "Big cocks and Bacardi Breezers".
