While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"
Apparently masturbation is good for you -- really, it is! Sexual relief releases a chemical which stimulates the brain, and in effect is a natural anti-depressant. Scientific researchers reckon that if a person were to masturbate every two hours, he would never feel depressed. So, that got me thinking... Mormons are always really happy, upbeat, and jolly people. This tends to prove what we have known all along: they are all a bunch of ****ers.
Iraqi TV Guide MONDAY8:00 Husseinfeld 8:30 Mad About Everything 9:00 Suddenly Sanctions 9:30 Allah McBeal TUESDAY8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror 8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right 9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things 9:30 Iraq"s Funniest Public Execution Bloopers WEDNESDAY8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer 8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy 9:00 Just Shoot Me 9:30 Veilwatch THURSDAY8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi 8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H 9:00 Veronica"s Closet Full of Long, Black,Shapeless Dresses 9:30 My Two Baghdads FRIDAY8:00 Judge Saddam 8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things 9:00 Achmed"s Creek 9:30 No-witness News
