Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire, and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
My mate told me a snooker ball in a sock is a brilliant weapon if you get into a fight. Not really, I couldn't even walk properly.
Thinking of changing my home phone number - must be nearly the same as the Meteriological office. Some guy keeps ringing up and asking my wife if the coast is clear.
My teacher told me I'd be no good at poetry due to my dyslexia, but so far I've made three jugs and a vase.
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!" I said, "£300.00 and it's yours."
Some thieving swine has stolen my tools from my van and I need to go to work tonight. Has anyone got a crowbar, a hoodie, ski mask, gloves and a hold-all or back-pack I can borrow?
SAD NEWS The inventor of the Thesaurus has died..... passed away........snuffed it...... kicked the bucket..... shuffled off this mortal coil........ ceased to be,........ expired....... is no more.
