Mike Ashley has bought HMV. Well, he did promise Newcastle United he would make a record signing this transfer window........
A Charity Pantomine in aid of paranoid schizophrenics and homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when someone shouted, "he"s behind you."
What do rhubarb and cocks have in common? Both are long, thin, covered in skin, pink in the middle and go in tarts.
A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she"s a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it"s like for her. "So," says the mum, "now that you have started dating, what"s it like getting intimate with young men?" "Oh, you know how it is," replies the daughter. "Boys are always insensitive and never care if intimacy isn"t working for me." "How?" asks mum. "Oh, stuff...." says daughter. "Really now, you can trust me. I think that its important for mothers and daughters to talk about these matters," continues mum. "I don"t know," answers the daughter. "Now don"t forget, I was a teenager once and I can remember what dating boys was like for me," says mom. "OK," says the reluctant daughter. "For starters, how do you get their cum out of your hair?"
