Me and the wife went up to the Ryanair check-in desk. The clerk said, "Do you have reservations?" I replied "Yes, but we're flying with you anyway!"
My 7 year old son got sent home from school yesterday for chewing gum in class. I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking!
I've got a job interview today to become an Argos delivery driver. To show them that I'll fit in well, I'm going to turn up anytime I like between 7am and 7pm.
It's my wife's birthday today, so I'm taking her out tonight to that place where you can drink as much as you like for £4.50. The swimming baths.
It was so good I felt it needed reposting which in itself is a load of old bollocks because I stuffed up completely - sorry dear chap
What’s the difference between Katie Price and the Grand Old Duke of York? The Grand Old Duke of York only had ten thousand men.
My girlfriend bought a book titled "Cheap and Easy Vegetarian Cooking". It"s ideal, as not only that she is a Vegetarian...
Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.
A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?" "Yes, I"m sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes. "It"s quite alright," replies the woman, "It"s very talented, watch this, I"ll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?!"
