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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #32801
    antipodean exile, Oct 9, 2024
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    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    antipodean exile, Oct 9, 2024
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    A vicar's wife was expecting a baby.
    So he stood before his congregation and asked for a pay rise.
    After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the vicar's family expanded, so would his pay.
    After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the vicar's expanding salary.
    A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the vicar's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
    After listening to them for about an hour, the vicar rose from his chair and spoke...
    "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us."
    Silence fell on the congregation.
    In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice:
    "Rain is also a gift from God, but when
    we get too much of it, we wear raincoats."
    The entire congregation said: 'Amen.
     
    #32810
    antipodean exile, Oct 9, 2024
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #32811
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2024
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #32812
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2024
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Sister Rita was sitting by her convent window one evening as she opened a letter from home: inside the letter was a £50 note from her parents. Sister Rita smiled but as she continued to read the letter by what was left of the last glimmers of daylight coming through her window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamp post in the street below. Quickly she took a piece of paper and wrote, "Don't despair - Sister Rita". She then wrapped the £50 note in it and having got the man's attention, she tossed the wrapped note out of the window to him. The stranger picked it up and read what was on the paper. He looked up, tipped his hat and slowly made his way down the street and into the darkness. Meanwhile, Sister Rita returned to her letter hoping he would use the money wisely.
    The following day, Sister Rita was told that there was a man at the main door of the convent insisting that he should see her so, she made her
    way down the stairs to see what the commotion was all about. True enough, she found the stranger, who she had last seen standing in the street,
    waiting for her. Without a word, he handed her an envelope stuffed full with £50 notes.
    "What's this?" she asked.
    "It's your winnings Sister," he replied, "Don't Despair came in at 80-to-1."
     
    #32813
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2024
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Sister Rita was sitting by her convent window one evening as she opened a letter from home: inside the letter was a £50 note from her parents. Sister Rita smiled but as she continued to read the letter by what was left of the last glimmers of daylight coming through her window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamp post in the street below. Quickly she took a piece of paper and wrote, "Don't despair - Sister Rita". She then wrapped the £50 note in it and having got the man's attention, she tossed the wrapped note out of the window to him. The stranger picked it up and read what was on the paper. He looked up, tipped his hat and slowly made his way down the street and into the darkness. Meanwhile, Sister Rita returned to her letter hoping he would use the money wisely.
    The following day, Sister Rita was told that there was a man at the main door of the convent insisting that he should see her so, she made her
    way down the stairs to see what the commotion was all about. True enough, she found the stranger, who she had last seen standing in the street,
    waiting for her. Without a word, he handed her an envelope stuffed full with £50 notes.
    "What's this?" she asked.
    "It's your winnings Sister," he replied, "Don't Despair came in at 80-to-1."
     
    #32814
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2024
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #32815
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2024
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #32816
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2024
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #32817
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2024
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #32818
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2024
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #32819
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2024
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #32820
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 9, 2024
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