I got chatting to a nice looking woman in our local pub, and to cut a long story short we decided to go back to her place, so there I was (giving her the good news) I said " Stop, stop, wait a minute, pardon me for asking but when was the last time you had sex?" She thought for a moment and said 1958, WOW I said "that was a long time ago" she looked at her watch and said "No, it's only 21.30 now"
I met a girl at the pub one night when I was much younger and I said to her "I'm gonna make love to you in my lounge, bedroom, kitchen, and the hallway." She said, "It's nice to pull a bloke with your kind of stamina!" She was gutted when I took her back to my caravan!
What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot? A kangaroo is marsupial in Australia. A kangaroot is a Geordie stuck in a lift.
A woman walking through a field sees Paddy and Mick working... Paddy is digging holes and as fast as he is digging them, Mick is filling them in. After 9 holes she says to Paddy 'why are you digging holes and then Mick is filling them in?' Paddy replies 'Well there's usually 3 of us but the lad who plants the trees is off sick today!'.
