A Darwin woman, Beverly Thompson, 38, has stopped a crocodile attack using a small .22 calibre Ruger pistol._ _This is a story of self-control, marksmanship and quick thinking by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator._ *Here's her story* *in her own words:* "While walking along the edge of a lake near my house in the Villages Estate near Darwin, discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, & other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 4-metre crocodile which suddenly emerged from the murky water. "It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. "If I had not had my little Ruger .22 calibre pistol with me, I wouldn't be here today!" said Beverly. "Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. "The croc got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. "The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible -- & his life insurance was also a big bonus!!
An old trucker sat down in a diner and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the wrinkled old gear jammer and asked, ‘Are you a real trucker?’ He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life driving big rigs. I have delivered grain to breweries, I have carted machinery across the country, I have given rides at county fairs to lots of kids, and clocked up over 4 million miles, that's like to the moon and back 10 times so I guess I am a trucker – what about you?’ She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’ The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young boy sat down on the other side of the old truck driver and asked, ‘Are you a real trucker?’ He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian!
A man went to the doctor. He said "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks". "I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on?" the doctor asked. "That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee". The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!" "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this". The doctor was dumbfounded. "Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle" the man urged him. The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can". I have no idea what to tell you" the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books" he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well-educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places"
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well-being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blonde replies, “Early this morning, I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.” “I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest.” The blonde very calmly explains, “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.” The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. “If you need anything, just let me know,” he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the woman. He looks out over his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes out to her and asks, “Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?” “No,” replies the blonde, “I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!”
A woman takes her 15-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" The mother says, "It's my daughter Mandy. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Mandy a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Mandy is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Mandy?" Mandy says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!" The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?" The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"
I was walking down my local high street today and saw written on one of the windows: `Chicken dinner £2.00,' I felt a bit hungry so I went inside and ordered the chicken dinner and they gave me a bag of bird seed.
