Father Flynn had been parish priest at St Monica's for over fifteen years and boasted that he knew all his parishioners by the sound of their voices. So he was a little miffed when he was hearing confessions one Saturday morning and realised there was a person talking whose voice he couldn't place. 'Are you a stranger here?' asked the priest through the confessional screen. 'Yes, Father,' said the voice. 'I'm touring with the circus that came into town yesterday.' 'I see,' said the priest. 'And what do you do in the circus?' 'I'm an acrobat,' said the stranger. 'Bejesus, I'd like to see you work,' said Father Flynn, 'but I'll be too busy to come to the show.' 'No problem,' said the acrobat. 'I can do a few things now if you have the time.' Out came the priest from the confessional box and he sat in a pew watching the circus performer do handstands, flick flacks, somersaults and multifarious contortions. As this was going on, Biddie Murphy rushed out of church saying to herself: 'If that's the sort of penance he's giving, I'm going to change me underwear!'
My cars fan belt snapped and I had no money on me to buy another one.....luckily my wife was with me and wearing tights so I knew how to fix the problem..... I put them on my head and robbed Halfords....
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie! The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish. The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel...! No. Think of another wish." The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced several times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying...know what they really want when they say, 'Nothing'...know how to make them truly happy...." The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"
