The doctor told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act: The man decided, what the hell, I'll try it. He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realised his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied. "What?" He heard. "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied. "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop replied. "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
A 60-year-old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. If you keep this up you might live forever! You have the body of a 35-year-old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?" The 60-year-old responded "Did I say he was dead?" The doctor was surprised and asked "How old is he and is he very active?" The 60-year-old responded "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer". The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?" The 60-year-old responded again "Did I say he was dead?" The doctor was astonished. He said "You mean to tell me you are 60years old and both your father and your grandfather are still alive? Is your grandfather very active?" The 60-year-old said "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that" said the patient "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he's getting married again". The doctor said "At 106 years why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?" His patient looked up at the doctor and said "Did I say he wanted to?"
An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. "You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we ought to do with it?" With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it."
