I drove up to Buckingham Palace and said to the guard, "Can you let me in I've got to cut Prince Williams hair." He said, "Have you got a permit?" I said, "No just cut some off the back!"
An African bloke knocked on the door today. He was carrying a big bucket, and said to me "Can you fill this bucket, with clean water for me please?" Bugger me" I said to him, "How many miles have you walked, just for this..???" He replied.... "NONE you cheeky twat, I'm the new window cleaner".
I won't be on here for a few weeks. I am under investigation by the Police for the theft of a quantity of beach inflatables. Until the investigation is over, I've got to Lilo
Policeman : I'm booking you for dangerous driving. You were swerving all over the road. Driver : Of course I was. There were nails all over the road. I couldn't drive over them. Policeman : In that case, I'm booking you for tacks evasion
My wife gave me an ultimatum: Stop telling stupid Llama jokes or pack my bags and leave. I said o.k., Alpaca bag.....
