My wife has started visiting a new hairdressers run by a Geordie girl. Today my wife asked for a "perm". The Geordie girl started, "I wandered lonely as a cloud..."
Think it"s fantastic how the Chinese can now say they've sent an astronaut into space. He's been officially named as Moon-Lan-Din.
Two old ladies were chatting one day. They were talking about this and that and the subject finally got around to sex. The first old lady said she enjoyed sex all the time, and just as much as ever. The second old lady was surprised and asked her what her secret was. The first old lady said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. When her husband comes into the bedroom he gets turned on and has his way with her. The second old lady decides to try this approach so that night when she heard her husband coming home, she takes a quick shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. her husband comes into the bedroom takes one look and says, "For God's sake Maude, comb your hair and put your teeth in."
A man went to the doctor. He said "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks". "I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on?" the doctor asked. "That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee". The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!" "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this". The doctor was dumbfounded. "Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle" the man urged him. The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can". I have no idea what to tell you" the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books" he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well-educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places"
At the Airport, I heard 2 guys saying they wouldn't feel safe if the Pilot was a woman. How bloody sexist, I mean it's not as if she has to reverse the bloody thing.....
Paris before and after Liverpool fans visit! please log in to view this image please log in to view this image
Scotland play Ukraine next week in a World Cup qualifier. Virtually the whole of Europe will be supporting the country that has suffered so much torment at the hands of an immoral leader. On the other hand, I'm sure there will be a few who'd prefer Ukraine win!
