I went into the hairdressers today, I said, “what cut would make me look handsome?” She looked me up and down and said, “probably a power cut”
I asked the man in the shop "Have you got any Bulldog clips?" He replied "No, but I've got a nice video of a Jack Russell"
An elderly Paddy lay dying in his bed. While suffering agonies on his way to his final moment, he suddenly smells the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his wayout of the bedroom, gripping the wall, he slowly makes it to the kitchen. There, piled on a tray are his favourite scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon…… ‘Feckin leave them alone’ she said, ‘they're for the funeral.
