Fifty Shades of Grey on Channel 5 tonight at 9.00. She wants to watch it. This could be my last post.
The missus dragged me to the flicks to see this a couple of weeks after it's release. The cinema was not full but it was a healthy audience for an Orange Wednesday matinee and anticipating a couple of hours of boredom I stocked up on popcorn, nachos and the like and settled back in my seat. I noticed that I was the only bloke in the cinema, then the lights dimmed and the tedium commenced. I'd bought a white chocolate Magnum and figured that I should eat that first. Unfurling it in the dark proved a challenge and half the side of chocolate fell onto my lap. I was quick and scooped it up immediately, popping it into my mouth as I watched some bint complaining about the state of her flat. It didn't really get any better than that, although I did pick up some good DIY tips about alternative fixture methods. I finished my ket and passed a fairly pleasant couple of hours researching what it must be like to be dead. The film finished rather abruptly at which point we shuffled out along with the 70 or so middle aged women who, like us, had **** all better to do on a wet Wednesday. As we entered the light my Missus' attention was drawn to my crotch. Not that an unusual occurance to be honest but not often mid afternoon in the foyer of an Odeon, not in recent memory at any count. 'What the **** have you been doing in there?' she snarled at me through gritted teeth. 'What' ya mean?' I questioned whilst glancing down at my offending area. Black trousers with several sticky white smears spreading out across the top of my right thigh. Never been able to eat a white chocolate Magnum since.
That'll be to assist the shaving I expect Strap in BAAG (or strap on...whatever) Anyway isn't it the lady chap that's the submissive one in this particular piece of 'art'?
