If...

I would enlist Ant and Dec as club ambassadors, ensure the grass is watered daily with Brown Ale, employ Jimmy Nail as Manager, Tim Healey as chief scout, Sting as a physio, make the whole stadium standing only and erect a huge sunblock to ensure a certain nearby cit... I mean, town... is forever in our shadow.

Then I'd sell James Perch.

 

But he's versatile

 

In a way yes and I'd employ more top class scouts and increase the countries we scout with Carr in a director of football role in total control of the scouting so he has a final say on players brought to his attention.

 

You crazy!!!

 

Would be so excited if this sorta thing happened

 

that's the worse idea i've heard he should never have been brought back the second time along with this one

 

I would also ask you lot for a list of players you would love at the Toon and buy them just for sentimental sake .

 

I'd have Danny Higginbotham because I think his name is hilarious for some reason

 

List of things to do:

1. Sack Pardew
2. Hire David Moyes
3. Give Moyesy some money to spend, after he's picked himself off the floor get him to buy Joey Barton
4. Beat Joey to death with his own mobile phone.
5. Crack on

 

But..........he is a former unwashed..........so I'm not sure I could make that happen.

 

Sounds like a plan

 

Shay Given was a former unwashed and we loved him

But, in all seriousness my favourite player in the world is Messi and if you could make this happen then I would appreciate it

Cheers, thanks

 

I'd keep most things as they are and learn what the **** I'm doing first.

Make llambias do weekly press conferences and answer all the questions put to him.

Reinstate the singing section in the corner or back of the gallowgate.

Charge sportsdirect a fortune for the advertising or find someone else.

Fund moves for a right winger, leftback and 2 strikers (50mill, don't want to be too silly)

Wage cap (can't really say without seeing the books)

Appoint a fan liason who actually does his job well.

I'd also steal some ideas off here like the local youth one.

 

Another idea:

When we were doing reasonably well or there wa a buzz, I'd float the club on the market again keeping 71% shares for myself.

I'd then set up a fanshare system nd allow it to buy upto 20% off me so I could be known as the chairman who gve nufc back to it's fans, then I could commission a statue of me to be built on barrack road and rename one of the stands after myself.

Of course all this adoration would go to my head, I'd be misquoted in the press claiming to be better than Jesus and subsequently the Share price would plummet and we'd all be ****ed. Sorry lads

 

You mean you'd keep him alive?! Surely he'd have to do the conferences from the comfort of a cage or something?

 

Aside form the obviously sensible suggestions I would communicate with the public on a weekly basis and release an imediate statement whenever challenged.

I would keep Pardew for the length of his contract and only change him if someone outstandingly better came along. He's doing well enough tactically.

I would ask Pards if HE thinks it would be good to put Jonas back on the right and if he hadn't considered it or didn't know that it's his natural position, then ask hijm to check it out. I would then buy a quality LW and LB. Maybe Zog! Not sure on RB

I would buy only 1 amazing striker. Tevez or the like.

Carr, Stone and Beardo would get whatever they need and it would be made clear to them that I will back them.

I would publically and officially write off the debt. I would not be doing this a money making business, though I would want it to be stable for when I was no longer in control.

Any money left after transfer windows and signing required players would go to local comunity projects.

I would upgrade the stadium capacity to around 80k. It would get filled if we were more successful.

A few of the Entertainers or other availble greats from the prem would be drafted in as coaches for the youngsters so that ideally we could have 1 to 1 sessions every training session and rotate. Overall game style/plan being dictated byt the current people.

 

oh, id get the GK coach back as well. Obviously knows his stuff

 

Surely the first thing that any sane person would do would be to launch Derek Llambias out of a cannon as far out into the North Sea as possible?