Written by Lucas on the team coach. Stole from somewhere else, it was written on Twitter when the volcano erupted which meant no air travel. You've probably all seeen it but for thos who haven't.....................its hilarious Jamie (wearing full LFC kit) just 'wet willied' Glen. The English have such fun. I wish I was one, would Capello notice me? I lent on Sotos chair by accident. Big mistake. Apparently ive 'compromised Olympus'. He's now spouting poetry in Greek with his eyes shut. What a couple of hours. Forgot I had my packed lunch - Dinosaur Meat sandwiches (no crusts) and a packet of Frisp s. Forgot my Fruit Shoot. S crew that, Soto has an industrial sized tub of Houmous. And no bread. Or spoon. Its like a drink to him. He's a monster. Please don't go to Madrid Rafa, I promise I'll stop my forward runs. Off to sleep LFC fans. YNWA. Gonna watch my Benfica goal a few times before I go! Thats the real Lucas Pezzini Leiva. People keep telling me that the shorter my hairs got, the better i've become. I'll be like Zidane soon. I'm starting. Rafa let me know by winking at me. Alberto tried to trip me up on the way out. We don't see eye to eye. His eyes do though Ryans sat by Nabil and so the chair next to Javier is empty. This is my chance. The fans seem to hate this - me 'sitting' next to Mascherano. Rafa : 'Whatever happens this summer, Lucas, we'll make sure we're at the same club". Music to my ears, so this is what love songs are about He's singing 'Que Sera' with his arm round my neck. This is just like I imagined it. Dirk is watching on enviously. 1-0 to Leiva Carra and Stevie sharing headphones listening to some loud Scouse House. Rafa is really drunk now. Plessis been in the bog for 45 mins. Apparently he took N'Gogs Nuts magazine in with him. Must be better at wan_king than he is at football. Dirks been giving Rafa wine. I can tell when he's drunk because he stares at me disappointingly saying he wishes he'd got a receipt for me. "Where's the receipt Lucas. You must have it. There must have been one. Where's the receipt." These words will haunt my dreams. Few people in their pyjamas now. Either NGog has a baseball bat down there or hes one blessed, blessed boy. Jesús Christi its like another arm! Off to try and get some sleep now. Nabil 'n Babel still rapping in Dutch and French together. Kyrgiakos sleeping standing up, fists clenched Aquilani and Degen have made a 'den' at the back of the coach out of sleeping bags. Sign on the front of it saying 'No Physios Allowed' LOL Aquilani has hurt himself in the den. Typical. He can't move to get out and because of the sign, none of our physios can go in. Real dilemma Cavalieri bought me an inflatable travel pillow yesterday. Was having a great sleep until someone popped it in the night. Got a few suspects Few nice ladies walked into our carriage. Pepe quickly put his shades on and strolled over to them. I wish I had that charisma. What a man. Settled down now. Stevie is watching Steven Gerrard: Centurion on DVD, Aquailanis finger is in plaster, Rafa trying to beat himself at chess. Someones clogged the toilet up. Rafa has a guilty look. Must have been his beer poo earlier on. Stevie says he saw Dirk sniffing the seat. What a 24 hour trip. Really bonded the squad. Dirks been filling up his 'Benitez Bible' - a book of everything Rafa has ever said to him. There's a heart watermark on each page and he starts each entry with : "These are the words of divine inspiration" written in red ink. Rafa isnt impressed with such gimmicks. The way to his heart is a high passing completion rate & a warm wholesome meal. Those I can provide Rafas shoes need to go to the local cobblers. Pushed past Insua to grab them. Dirk ran, dived and got em. Doesnt have that pace on the pitch Pepe refusing to speak Spanish to the locals. Telling everyone he was born in Liverpool & has lived round the corner from Jamies all his life. Just spied Kyrgiakos' shopping list : 1. Whole Goat (recently deceased), 2. Flammable Trident 3. Blast Furnace. Freaky. El Zhar is also still up. Saw him drink a 3 litre bottle of Cherry Coke before so he'll be up till dawn....He's gone insane, too much sugar. He's shouting at Rafa saying 'Why am I even here. Please tell me why' with tears pouring down his face. That was the last straw. Dirk pointing and repeating 'hes a fairy, hes a fairy without the wings'. I lunged for him. Sammy Lee held me back. I lost control, Im ashamed. Me & Dirk arent friends but I musnt forget who I am. I am Lucas Pezzini Leiva. Brazilian Player of the Year 2006 1 & a half hour journey. Aquilani decided to stand up for the whole duration of the way back. He cant face another 90 minutes sitting down. Jamie shouted, "Sit down Aqua lad, you'll do yourself an injury" and roared with laughter. At least he's kept his sense of humour. Stevie setting his text ringtone as Andy Gray - "Lovely cushioned header, for..." then shouting "GERRARD!" himself. 23 times and counting. Pepe : "Thats not volcanic Ash, its the dust off Lucas's durex". I don't get it, but Dirks laughing his head off. All settled down. Pacheco practicing his times tables, Babel penning some lyrics, Yossi crying, Jamie called him "Gary Neville with AIDS". Were all getting ready for the game. Stevie is staring into the mirror, Ngogs having a panic attack & Dirk is reading from his Benitez Bible
Yeah it is great Yeah I know it wasnt Lucas, it was confirmed fake. Apparently he does other stuff as well (the bloke who did this) but im not sure what he does, I dont even go on twitter and havent even got a FB account!
I sit on his sofa whilst he goes upstairs to get out of his work clothes, bang the coffee table and whack one out before he reaches the bottom of the stairs to investigate the 'mysterious noise'. Hell of a rush.
Was he the gut that did a similar piece about Gary Neville on the coach? The one where he kept on referring to Fergie as "sir" THAT was ****ing hilarious.
A prisoner once ****ed in my bosses cup of coffee - Prisoners are no longer allowed to make drinks for staff! Although, my big negrito friend/prisoner from Trinidad who cleans my office and stuff makes my coffee. Good lad he is
Not sure mate - never done it. She drunk it though and didn't find out until he raged out in the department and told her! He was a sex offender, so clearly an enjoyable experience for him
