One from our very own club website! So let's see Lucas Moura just went for 45mil, Neymar must be no more than 10mil right? Anyway, two condoms walk by a gay bar, one looks to the other and says " Let's go get **** faced....."
From Twitter: Harry Redknapp has taken up an advisory role at his former club AFC Bournemouth. In future news, AFC Bournemouth go into liquidation. Chuck Norris: Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Take out the pin and throw it back. Did you hear about the blonde that tried to blow up her husbands car? She burnt her mouth on the tail-pipe.
Why did the Man Utd fan cross the road? Because the pricks are on the inside... ... no wait I think I mixed two jokes up.
Whats the difference between a Manchester United fan and a trampoline? You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, A Manchester United fan from Manchester and an old drunk see a £10 note on the road, which one picks it up? The old drunk of course, everyone knows the other three don't exist.
I've just bought my wife one of those pug dogs as a surprise present. Despite the squashed nose, wonky eyes and trouble breathing due to the weight gain over the years, the dog seems to like her.
As I am over 1/4 German, I suppose I should add some jokes from the fatherland. Knock knock Who's there Gestapo Gestapo who? Ve vill ask de questions. A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and his drinking is ruining his life. How do you get a German woman pregnant? By having sex with her. A blonde throws herself in front of a moving taxi in Berlin. She is depressed and has a low ego from being visualized as a sex object and wants to kill herself. What should you do if you're in Bonn and your head starts hurting? Take an aspirin. Police visit a woman in Stuttgart. "I'm sorry there has been an accident. Your husband is dead." Why are there so many tree lined streets in Paris? Germans like marching in the shade.
Here's a few more German jokes. How did Hitler die? He saw his gas bill. What did Hitler do first thing in the morning? He kicked the jew(dew) off the grass. Non German joke? How do you circumcize a priest? Kick an alter boy on the chin.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic and threw it into the pool. It's syncing now. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausages are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. PMS jokes aren't funny; period. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection urine trouble. Broken pencils are pointless. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. Velcro — what a rip off! A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
