My dog has no nose! How does he smell? Terrible!!! ------------------------- Two elephants fall of a cliff BOOM BOOM --------------------- Why can't the two elephants go swimming? Because they only have a pair of trunks between them! ------------------------------------------ Why can't you get painkillers in the jungle? because the parrots eat em all! --------------------------------------- Hear about the papershop? Blew away!! ------------------------------------- HP/Ketchup/Branston/ Police reveal their sauces! --------------------------------------- Hear about the wedding of the two aerials? Ceremony was crap, but reception was fantastic! -------------------------------- Went to B&Q the other day and a guy dressed in orange asked if I wanted decking, so I booted him in the balls!
Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup... Moooooooo. Why did the mouse cross the road? Because it was nailed to a chicken. How do you know when there's a drummer at your door? The knocking speeds up. How do you know when there's a singer at your door? He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in. How do you know when there's a bass player at your door? Who cares?
A guy goes into the Doctors, 'Doctor, Doctor, I've got a lettuce stuck up my arse!' The Doctor says 'Hmm... That's just the tip of the iceberg'
A tractor obsessed guy blindfolds his wife and brings her on a surprise trip for their 15 year wedding anniversary. When they arrive he takes off the blindfold and they're at the international tractor festival. His wife completely loses the plot and threathens to leave him if he doesn't give up all the tractor nonsense and he reluctantly agrees. The next year his wife is waiting for him in a pub and the barman asks what she is doing. "it's my 16 year wedding anniversary and I'm just waiting for my husband to come", just as she says this her husband walks in the door and immediately all the smoke and steam zip out the door. "what the hell was that?" asks the barman. "it's alright", says the wife, "it's just my husband, he's an ex-tractor fan"
Two nuns in the bath.One says "where's the soap ?" The other replies "up my arse, you'll have to use the shower gel".
