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Death by Fridge...

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Gambol, Mar 28, 2015.

  1. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    So, there were these three guys in a queue at the pearly gates waiting to get into Heaven.

    St Peter says to the first guy "Why do you think you can enter the Kingdom of Heaven?"

    "Well" says the first guy "I thought I'd caught my wife having an affair. She was naked and sweaty and in bed but despite looking everywhere in the flat I couldn't find the bloke. Then I heard the bloke outside hurriedly trying to escape in a taxi so I picked up the fridge and threw it out the window onto him. Distraught that may sudden rage had killed the man I committed suicide. I'm very sorry for what I did."

    "I see" said St Peter "Given your genuine regret you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven".

    St Peter turns to the second man in the queue and asks:

    "Why do you think you can enter the Kingdom of Heaven?"

    "Well" says the second guy "I was late for an urgent appointment and was rushing to get into a taxi when some lunatic dropped a fridge onto me from a third floor flat. I don't know why."

    "I see" said St Peter "Given your innocence you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven".

    St Peter turns to the third man in the queue and asks:

    "Why do you think you can enter the Kingdom of Heaven?"

    "Well" says the third guy "I was hiding in a fridge...."
     
    #1
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  2. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    **** ye's then.

    I thought that was funny given the chatbox stuff today about a guy in Perth attacking coppers with a fridge.

    But, hey, what do I know.

    Mick (the bad Mick, not the good Mick) delete ma ****in account. I'm disgusted at my under appreciation.

    #yafuds

    #oh-god-i-just-realised-i-sound-like-ER
     
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  3. ERINBLACK

    ERINBLACK Well-Known Member

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  4. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    Awww.
     
    #4
  5. Tina.

    Tina. Well-Known Member

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    didn't read <party>
     
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  6. Ponders Revisited

    Ponders Revisited Well-Known Member

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    Not bad, G, not bad. ;)

    I used to write jokes for a well-known TV show; £75 for each used in recording and an extra £25 if aired. I used the cash to build a folly in the garden of my Suffolk residence.

    I was a funny guy back then.
     
    #6
  7. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps?
     
    #7
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  8. Ponders Revisited

    Ponders Revisited Well-Known Member

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    Never heard of that one, T. Is it any good?
     
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  9. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    It's to comedy what Aldo is to mankind.

    A skidmark.

    That show, along with Coming of Age, would make any normal human being want to instantly kill anyone that had anything to do with its creation. Their parents and offspring too.
     
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  10. Ponders Revisited

    Ponders Revisited Well-Known Member

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    You are my greatest advocate, T.
     
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  11. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    It was a bit harsh <hug>

     
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  12. Ponders Revisited

    Ponders Revisited Well-Known Member

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    I don't think I'll watch the rest of that one. :emoticon-0172-mooni

    That new Reeves and Mortimer show is abysmal. House of Fools it's called. House of Bollox more like.

    I'm thinking of writing a sitcom. Probably going to base it on my experiences as an estate manager in North London.
     
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  13. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    Yea, I watched about 3 seconds of that House of Aldos show and it's quite painful...

    I've got a few sitcom ideas, one of my best mates is slowly rising up in the BBC so until then :bandit:
     
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  14. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    What estate did you manage Ponders? I used to live on the Commerce Road Estate in Wood Green. I remember some **** threw a fridge out their window once (true dat).
     
    #14
  15. The Raging Oxter

    The Raging Oxter Well-Known Member

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    What age is he? 12?
     
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  16. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    No, if he was 12 the BBC would be rising up him.
     
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  17. Ponders Revisited

    Ponders Revisited Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for the delay, Archers: I was having some work done on my pancreas.

    I managed most of the troubled estates during my time with Haringey and once secured a multi-million pound grant from the government for improvements. My most successful projects were probably the Tiverton and Sir Fred Messer estates in South Tottenham, and Chettle Court in the Hornsey sector. I also managed Broadwater Farm and Ferry Lane for a short time.
     
    #17
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2015
  18. pompeymeowth

    pompeymeowth Prepare for trouble x
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    Was Dale farm on your list for reformation?
     
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  19. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    A friend of mine lives on Ferry lane. It's a beautiful spot, with The Paddock nature park, swans floating on The Lea, frequent sightings of herons etc. Unfortunately at night it turns into Mega City One from the movie "Dredd".
     
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