Geordie comes home after a hard day shoplifting. He smells meat cooking and shouts "Oi! Ya fat slag where's me tea?" "Coming now! Pet." Says his wife, a *** hanging from her slack lips. And puts a single chunk of Bernard Mathews turkey roll oh his plate and nothing else. "Oi! Ya fat slag! Where's me vegetables?" he asks brushing the *** ash off the meat. "I've told you before pet they don't finish school till 3."
Geordie picks up a slapper in the Bigg market. "Fancy a **** in the back of my car?" He asks. "Aye ok!" She replies. "Stick a finger in me!" She asks. "Put another one in." She says. "Put your hand in!" She orders. Geordie is more than happy to do so. "Put both hands in!" She begs. "Now clap!" She orders. "I can't!" Geordie says looking at her oddly. "Ah nah, tight eh?"
After he had his way with slapper above, Geordie sat back satisfied. The slapper hadn't cum and was disappointed. "Kiss me where it smells!" she begged. So he drove her to Benwell.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha. Mackemrule, The true stories are always the best
Geordie the Mag and Sid the Mackem decide to go skydiving. In the plane Sid says, "First one to the clubhouse pays for the beers all night!" "Ok!" says Geordie as he shoves Sid over and dives out the door. Sid follows the Geordie and jumps, then finds his main chute not working, as he free falls past Geordie he grasps his reserve chute handle. Seeing Sid going past him Geordie screams "Oh no you don't!" and starts to remove his chute.
Geordie takes his girlfriend home for the first time. He says, "This is Amanda." His dad jumps up. "It's a ****ing what?"
My girlfriend and I went for a walk across a frozen lake last December whilst holidaying in Greenland. She said, "Do you think the woman on the hotel reception is pretty?" I said, "You're walking on thin ice love." She said, "Ohh, rattled your cage, have I?" And then she slipped through the ice and drowned. What a hilarious misunderstanding.
To all those women who watch the football and shout "pass it to Frank" or "bring Joe Cole on;" **** off. You didn't see me at Sex And The City 2 shouting "**** her up the arse."
I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said. "Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that." "Fine," I said, "I want to die when the mags finish above Sunderland" "You crafty ****!" said the fairy.
Billy : Mum, I've got the biggest cock at nursery school, is that because I'm a big boy? Mum: No, it because you're 28 and ******ed. Now watch before you slobber your spaghetti down your new Newcastle top.
The judge decides to clamp down on Sid the Mackem after his third speeding offence, and sends him to Durham prison for a month. On arrival at the prison he finds most of the inmates are of course Geordies and he is the only Mackem. The screws are really worried. "What the **** are we going to do? asks the Warden. "I dunno, this could turn into a bloodbath if they mix!" says a screw. The Warden thinks for awhile then says, " We don't have enough solitary cells to keep the Geordies safe in either!"
Teacher to class: "What does your dad do at weekends?". Little Boy: "He's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money's right he lets punters bang his arse and cum in his gob". Teacher takes him outside, "Is that true?". Little boy: "No miss, it's bollocks. He plays for Newcastle but I'm too embarrassed to say".
Newcastle have just announced a three-way joint shirt sponsorship deal with an oil company, a designer clothing brand and a parcel delivery firm. The shirt sponsor logos will read Total fcuk UPS
