The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir The driver says, Christ officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control. As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once? The wife smiles demurely and says, You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did. As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, F..k it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut? The officer frowns and says, And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic 75 pound fine. The driver says, Yeah well, you see officer, I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket. The wife says, Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving. And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, WHY DON'T You shut the f..k up?? The officer looks over at the woman and asks, Does your husband always talk to you this way Ma'am? The wife says Only when he's pissed.
I was saving that one for tomorrow so.............. The other night a lass was invited out for a night with âthe girls.â She promised her husband that she'd be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, she headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another nine times. Really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed, three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) The next morning her husband asked her what time she got in, and she told him â Midnight.â He didnât seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got Away with that one! Then he said, âWe need a new cuckoo clock.â When she asked him why, he said, âWell, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, âOh. ****,â cuckooed four more times, cleared itâs throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped Over the coffee table and farted.â
