.....................to wake you miserable f..kers up. It's like night of the living dead on here today "When I was just a little girl, I iasked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty, will I be rich? Here's what she said to me" "Son, we need to talk" I was introduced to my son's new girlfriend the other day. "This is Sarah" "Hello Sarah" I said. "I've heard a lot about you". "Really?" she said. "All good I hope?" "Ohe yes. His mother wouldn't let me do her up the arse for a full year".
Some of us have to work, instead of just having dreams of Large Hadron Colliders creating black holes and bombs to explode the vatican......... 2 dicks walking down the street, they pass a gay bar, one dick looks at the other and says " let's go get **** faced".
my 16 year old daughter was having a sleep over with some friends, when i overheard one of them say 'your dad is a bit pervy', christ i nearly fell out of the wardrobe with shock
My wife said to me. "You need to get down to the doctor's and get some of those pills that give you a hard-on" A couple od days later, I came in and chucked a box of pills to her. "What are thses?" she said. "Slimming tablets" I said.
[video=youtube;g6OaSzoSpHE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=g6OaSzoSpHE[/video]
Q: Why do women have legs? A: Have you seen the mess snails make I bet your all laughing ya tits off at that one.
So the daughter went to her dad and asked to borrow the car, the father said sure, but you know what you have to do right? So she got down and started to, um take care of him. When she finished she told her dad " Damn you dick tastes like ****!". The father replied " What day is it? OH that's right, your brother has the car today". Sick joke for the day.
Just bumped into Sepp Blatter, I called him a fat little Swiss corrupt tw*t, then shook his hand, so all is ok between us now!!
how mad is this, suarez and evra swapped shirts after the game, and suarez has been asked to bring it with him to strengthen his case, but he said he threw it away as it stunk of bananas.
Mary had a little lamb with which she used to sleep too late she found it was a ram now Mary has a little lamb
Mary had a little bike it's seat was back to front and every time she pulled the brake the seat went up her cu-nt
Tried erotic asphyxiation with the wife the other night when we were having sex. She obviously didn't like it. She's been lying there for five days now giving me the silent treatment. Some bastard wrote 'mong' on my window last night. Took me ages to lick it off.
