Recent content by Helmatron

There's a difference between holding racist views and inciting racial hatred. However ignorant people's racist views are and however much I may personally disagree with them, they are entitled to them and should be allowed to express them if they wish. That's the point of free speech, and it's...

Helmatron would like to announce his coming to the Liverpool forum. He has been sent here by the true God of football. Feel the awe. Feel the power. Feel the soft, smooth ball bag placed upon your forehead. I like football. I like chocolate. I like small amimals (particularly hamsters...

You love it, and don't pretend otherwise. Us guys should be more honest about our ball-bag skin care routine, I thought the liverpool forum would be a good place to start discussing it seeing as we're all so manly. Or should i say, Manly (see what i did there). Seriously though, who is this...

Who is Viking Erik? If I've got a personal stalker trying to pretend to be me, I'm gonna kick off. Nobody pretends to be Helmatron. Aside from that dick down at the rehab centre who keeps trying to steal my handouts. Gonna strangle that cheeky rascal with my cape. I know you lot won't believe...

See, Campbell knows what I'm talking about. Slap that arse and ride the wave...it's awesome. I like not knowing whether I'm on an orifice or just a roll. Adds to the fun. Plus you always know you're only one fall off the bed away from being crushed to death which adds to the excitement. And...

Shame, you're missing out. If you ever get a chance do it, you'll thank me afterwards. Doesn't need to be a battered mars bar, but it helps if they're northern lasses. So were you born and raised in Ireland then? If so why on earth give your heart to LFC? Lunatic. I'll give you the number of...

Don't mock Lidl; that place feeds all the LFC youth teams. Who here likes fat birds? Frankyboy, I know you do, be honest. Nothing like putting two fat birds in a paddling pool filled with baby oil and then dropping a single battered mars bar in there for them to fight over. Carnage mate. But...

Frank, that simply can't be true, all Liverpool fans live within 5 mins walk of the ground surely?! I do actually have a cape, but it's in the wash at the moment, got too excited when I saw the Pool QRP game the other night. Besides, The Helmatron doesn't need a cape to prove my power...

I tried eating myself when I first hit my teens, doesn't work and I screwed my neck up for a week afterwards. Opted for the various variations of making my arm numb first after that failed exercise. Either that or smearing cat food over my ring piece before jacking off. My cat's name was Sooty...

No quite a few years back now, believe it or not I'm 30. I know, I look good for my age.

I know I am being a bastard, and point taken, I will stop mocking LFC fans (unless they disrespect The Helmatron first). I was after that other Frank chap but he seems to have given up trying to defeat The Helmatron. By the way, my dad taught me how to make a hot air balloon out of an empty...

Campbell, Fair reply. Merry-go-round manager situations never work out particularly well I agree, but although Kenny may make steady progress I just can't see him taking you on to title challangers for the reasons you've stated; I can't see him at his age suddenly making that step up to...

Come on now Foredeck, if you're going to type a reply and let me know I've got to you at least make some sort of attempt at an insult. Otherwise that really is a waste of space. Go away or try to overcome the almighty Helmatron with a considered, well constructed come-back. To be fair you can...

CPofL, this Frank character looks like he's willing to go all day, despite knowing that he's being WUMmed. Which is kind of a bit weird, but I feel we owe him now to keep him from committing suicide in his 1 bedroom flat for another day. It's grim up in Liverpool, poor chap. Add to that the...

lol, I've got the day off work today (other fans have jobs you know) so thought I'd wind up a few bottom feeders before I head out down the beach to read my book (you guys should try it) and have a bottle of ale or two (like Tesco value larger, only in a bottle with a nice taste)...