Recent content by apex

43. My wife said, "I hate it when you alienate me in front of your mates." I replied, "But it's true, you have got a fanny like Predator's face." 44. I think the makers of the JLS condoms misinterpreted my suggestion to put some ****s on the box to excite customers and boost sales.

I was hoping more like Jimmy Carr...this is my fave joke that he has used and its not part of the list What's the Biggest cause of ****phile in the UK? Sexy kids If we go the whole season unbeaten at home I will try and do a Derby related joke for every home game.. as they are our only real...

40. Today I nearly mistakenly took a turn down a cul-de-sac. That was close. 41. After creating a crop circle I tuned to my wife and said, " I think that proves it." She said, " Proves what?" I said, " That your fanny needs a shave." 42. Because I'm going bald folk think they can call me a...

English Bob's real name is P. Rick

More like english Nob

39. Heard the toilet joke? it's crap

Damn...I reckon he should have gone a little higher!!

37. Sky Sports News. Andy Carroll after record £35 million signing for a British Football player: "I want to be treated like everyone else at Liverpool" Well, as a coked up girlfriend beater out on bail I don't think you'll struggle. 38. 190 mph winds batter Australia...

33. My dad walked in on me while smoking a joint in one hand, and fapping to porn in the other... How the **** did he open the door? 34. What's the difference between a brick and a Ginger? A brick can get layed. 35. My cell mate said, "I've heard a rumour that you **** kids". I said...

27. People are saying that calling assistant referees 'female lines-men' is offensive. Agreed. I much prefer Flag-Slag anyway. 28. Apparently it's inappropriate to ask my amputee co-worker if he can give me a hand. 30. My mate asked me if i knew the biological word for a swollen vagina...

17. Boomerangs ...frisbees for ginger kids 18. Just received a parcel from Holland today. I opened it up and there was a rubber fanny inside. I thought ' that's nice, Two lips from Amsterdam' 19. Paddy asks Murphy "Why do those skuba divers fall in the feckin water backwards?" Murphy replies "...

15. Ever tried anal sex? It's ****ing ****! 16. My girlfriend takes me by the hand and leads me down to the games room. She gets on top of the snooker table and onto her hands and knees. She's got on a skirt and I can see she's not wearing any knickers. She says, "Pink or brown. Take your...

12. Midnight is peek time for voyeurs 13. I've just ejaculated all over my neighbours pet. Now it really does look like the cat that got the cream. 14. I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird. I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't...

6. Don't know what all this fuss is about regarding Sian Massey. I was at the game. Seen her running up and down the line waving her arms around now and again. She was ****ing useless. Worst cheerleader I've ever seen 7. I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a...

I will be adding a joke for every goal we score this season some will be funny some will be ****. The jokes are mostly from friends and some that I have made up and others that I have improved or bastardized from other jokes At the moment we have scored 36 goals so I will be adding 36 jokes...