In the rarefied, sanctified, giro-dropping atmosphere of breezeblock stadium the time has come for tranny-baws Rodgers to field an attacking team against the Catalonian Car- Crash Coiffure Disasters - sometimes referred to as - "Barcelona". Tonight has to be a night of cavalier, jumpers for goal posts type soccer under the Nazi guiding floodlights of Celtic Park if we are to make sure we come out on top in the head to head that will ultimately decide this group. 8 - 0 may seem like a big ask, but not impossible, given the current form of Boyata et al. Sadly Ambrose will not be starting due to Liewell refusing to pay the insurance premiums on his somersaulting exploits, which would undoubtedly have followed his first Champions league hat- trick ( in the Barca rather than Celtic goal, should clarification be required). Most shrewd observers of this near annual contest consider the battle-lines drawn in a few key areas - Will Messi's beard be able to stand up to the thrusting virile Armstrong quiff? With both teams having a number of slap-heads, will Browns close shaven, polished chrome dome dominate the frankly flaccid Iniesta fuzz? Will Kolo Toure's pubic-hair like barnet be enough to blunt the Suarez bite? Or will Rodgers manage to pour enough Soul-glo into the big central defenders hair to smooth him through the game? And Naymar is a homo bent-shot diving ****. The special relationship between these world football behemoths continues with the report that a group of Barca ultras, not to be outdone by the previous exploits of their Poppy- lergic brothers, will be arriving from Catalonia in a convoy of Skip Lorries, intent on leaving Glasgow's East End tidier than they found it. Latest news however is that despite the relationship Naymar's pleas for the famous Glasgow Celtic to play in their pink strip look to be politely ignored. So ,eight- nil - Double hat trick and the keys to Dermots golf buggy for Dembele. One from Lustig, a scuffed miss-hit off his jackboot and a spectacular solo effort from Gordon, following a mazy run all the way from his own penalty area. Then whips off his top, T-shirt underneath says " What do you know Rodgers ya Fudd. " Team news not yet confirmed, but the wise money is on one team being Celtic and the other being Barcelona. Pacific Shelf Ya Bass Bring back the Funder. Buckfasten your seatbelts, here we go. Don Quixote What Do You Say?
Do we dare to dream? Ok, maybe not. But 12/1 at the bookies for a homo win! that is difficult to ignore. If we score more goals than them, we have a chance
UP THE RA, LADS! Confidence is at an all time high for this. Predicting an easy for the boys in green.
Hard one to predict. Barca have been fairly awful the last few weeks but could get their act together and give us a real doing tonight. Still a wee bit hopeful though and think it will be a 2-2 draw. Tam Rogic and Armstrong with the goals.
A cold glasgow night ... cold enough to freeze the Catalans aff! Big performance needed COYMIGAWHFTWSAWS...
Celtic no making any real clear cut chances and the set pieces have been rotten. Barca haven't been that good either but they've got Messi.
Sack the board. And they can take their yes-man Rodgers with them. I would stop giving money to this shambolic shower at the helm of our once great Club. But I don't anyway, but I just want them to know I would if I did. ... And I'd drive Rodgers to the airport if I didn't live on the other side of the world. The King of kings is free to take the job now. The only way is up for this bear.
