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Off Topic The perils of 60

Discussion in 'Hull City' started by The Omega Man, Oct 23, 2016.

  1. The Omega Man

    The Omega Man Well-Known Member

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    Cautionary tale, check yourself out..

    One or two on here will know that the last few weeks have not been the best for me.

    I reached the milestone age of 60 a month ago. One of the presents I had was a Bowel Cancer Screening kit from the NHS. Mine ended up in the bin, but for a different reason.

    I celebrated my birthday hard. Loads of booze, great meals, great time. But I have been feeling tired and the week after I started to feel like death warmed up. The postman delivered his pressy from the NHS and I read the word cancer and felt suddenly quite old. Two days later, I farted in bed and left a pool of blood, grim is not the word for it. No panic, but that little ache in my guts that I noticed a month or so ago, now felt sore.
    My Doctors surgery is great. Ring for an appointment and 35 minutes later I have a Doctors finger up my arse, checking me out. He says I need to get this checked out and orders a blood test and I have an appointment in the hospital the next week. I had blood in my poo for ages after, but I had not looked before.

    After two days of laxatives, I had my Endoscopy this afternoon. I lay on my side watching as a camera travelled up and down my colon. The only thing that showed was an area of inflammation. Four biopsies were taken and that was all. I will get the results in a couple of weeks. But no panic yet.

    Whatever is wrong, it's very early days.

    The reason for posting is simply to get the message out. Bowel cancer needs to be caught early and the best way is to check your **** once in a while. Do not be embarrassed to tell your doctor if you see blood.
     
    #1
    bunkers, Steve.R, Kempton and 10 others like this.
  2. GEvans76

    GEvans76 Well-Known Member

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    Good message thanks.
    I went vegeterian 2 years ago I don't give a **** what people think. I've never felt healthier.
     
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  3. look_back_in_amber

    look_back_in_amber Well-Known Member

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    Great message.

    All the very best of luck Mel, I'm sure everything will be fine <ok>
     
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  4. The greengrocer

    The greengrocer Well-Known Member

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    Hope your results come back ok mate! :emoticon-0148-yes:
     
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  5. Chazz Rheinhold

    Chazz Rheinhold Well-Known Member

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    As long as it was his finger Tom...
     
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  6. The Omega Man

    The Omega Man Well-Known Member

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    Do surgical gloves come in small foil packets?
     
    #6

  7. Chazz Rheinhold

    Chazz Rheinhold Well-Known Member

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    This could be the reason you get an apptmt within 35 minutes...
     
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  8. Barchullona

    Barchullona Well-Known Member

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    I used to know a vegetarian PE teacher, same age as myself. Fit, ran long distances regularly, cycled miles. Always telling me how bad meat was for everyone. Collapsed and died of a heart attack aged 42. 23 years later, albeit with health problems, none of them to do with eating meat, I am still here.
     
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  9. City Man

    City Man Well-Known Member

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    As has been well documented on here, the big C is a bit of a ****.

    Have had this procedure 3 or 4 times now, and I think they would like everyone to have it as it's a massive part of deaths from cancer.
    Last time was a few months back at HRI, and having been ****ting clear water out my arse at the end of the laxative phase, I was ready to party.
    "Just sign this disclaimer please..." . I don't think so, what disclaimer? Turns out there is approx 1 in 2,000 chance of a perforated bowel due to over enthusiastic or inexpert probe manipulation by the chappie who pilots it. Signed it anyway, what the hell.
    Relatively straightforward procedure, the anaesthetic is dripped into your arm, then it's like watching Star Trek with the Enterprise in Warp Factor 8 as it hurtles through the cosmos except the cosmos is your small intestine (which is really your large intestine). They give you a morphine gas mask to inhale from when the pain starts to kick in, so I had a good lungful and it was great- like the best and happiest firework display you ever saw- then you come down again. This continues for about 10-15 min till the probe manipulator watching the big tv screen declares your colon to be a polyp free zone and slowly pulls out his tool.
    The whole time your colon has been pumped full of air and the feeling you get is that absolutely must have a dump at all costs, when in fact your colon is empty. Then the anaesthetic and morphine slowly wears off, the air drains out and the gel drips out.
    20 min rest with biscuits and drink then you're free to go, but not allowed to drive. Ended up groggy and getting bus. By now I was trumping for England, and pumping out a lot of lube gel. Got a few disgusted looks from the lower deck passengers at my soiled jeans with the large damp patch in the arse area, but I was too ****ed to care by then.
    I'm sure a lot of people have had this procedure by now. Not my idea of fun, but better than dying of a terminal illness so crack on.
     
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  10. The Omega Man

    The Omega Man Well-Known Member

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    Too many men, fail to get things checked out.
    I know my prosrate and my bollocks are fine now as well.

    I'm just glad I can still control my piss and ****ing.
     
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  11. GEvans76

    GEvans76 Well-Known Member

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    Not judging people for eating meat just relaying how I've felt since having a fruit/veg based diet.
     
    #11
  12. Barchullona

    Barchullona Well-Known Member

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    Just commenting on the fact that healthy diets don't necessarily mean a long and healthy life.

    Don't have beef very often compared to other meats but it is the thought of never eating it again stops me contemplating being a vegetarian.
     
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  13. spesupersydera

    spesupersydera Well-Known Member

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    I've done two of the cardboard spoon tests ...... completing the three day sampling isn't the most pleasant of tasks ( I do have a yukky tale for men only company re. this :emoticon-0127-lipss as unpleasant as it is though, it's preferable to the worry you'll have until you get the all clear ..... good luck with it.
     
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  14. The Omega Man

    The Omega Man Well-Known Member

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    Lets face it, I am a fat ****er.

    No colestrol problem.
    Blood pressure today 138/82.
    No sign of diabetes

    I eat meat and drink whatever Imfancy.

    I'm fat because I sit on my arse all day.
     
    #14
  15. look_back_in_amber

    look_back_in_amber Well-Known Member

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    Except when you're kicking some ****ers door in :emoticon-0110-tongu
     
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  16. John Ex Aberdeen now E.R.

    John Ex Aberdeen now E.R. Well-Known Member

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    Hope all goes OK Mel, I had a similar thing, but it turned out to be piles.
     
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  17. GLP

    GLP Well-Known Member

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    I had a similar scare in my early 30s. Had the blood in pooh and additional bloating symptoms in my stomach ended up with a colonoscopy and endoscopy which makes you want to vomit - I found the worst of the two. Fortunately I got the all clear. I'm saying this as you don't have to be 60 - it can happen at any age.

    Hope everything goes ok TOM.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 23, 2016
  18. ElTigre

    ElTigre Well-Known Member

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    Does checking your **** need to involve taking it apart or is it enough just to look at the thing floating there?
     
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  19. StubbDave

    StubbDave Well-Known Member

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    All the best Mel. Hope all goes well.
     
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  20. highpeak tiger

    highpeak tiger Well-Known Member

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    Suggest that 5-2 fasting diet, it allows you to have a bit of fun on your days off, works for me (62)
     
    #20

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