When I lived down south, there was a Bangaldeshi restaurant in Kidlington that did an amazing fish curry (tasted much better than it sounds). About two hours later it always produced the most rank, eye-watering stenches you could imagine. The stuff could have peeled wallpaper. Luckily the two hour delay usually meant I was just getting tucked up in bed when they started, so I was able to pull the duvet over my head and enjoy them to the full!
Anyone else ever need to crap so badly that you have to walk home really quickly but with great control as each steps produces a fart (and you're worried it could be worse )? Last week I achieved a new PB with 12 in a row. 12 steps each with their own distinctive fart. Thought I was going to explode. Was sweating trying to get my keys in the door as my hands were shaking through fear and pain. Sorry, too much detail?
Well...... ....since we're in a sharing mood......... Not related to farting. but very much related to that panicked feeling trying to get your keys in the door.........When I was in my 30s I had to have an operation on my kidney for a PUJ blockage. This included the lovely prospect of having a stent temporarily inserted afterwards to help the fluids flow out until it was all healed. The problem with that (apart from the pain of them having to insert some vicious tool up my jap's eye to retrieve the stent) is that it damages the muscles that help you control yourself. About a week after having it removed, I drove through to King's Lynn to visit my son. It was a horrible route home, cos for the last hour it didn't take me past any service stations. I was bursting for a pee and was quite proud of myself for holding on so long, setting a personal post-op best. As I pulled up outside my house, the panic was increasing badly. I got as far as getting my key in the door and whooosh! Yes - I pissed myself standing on my own doorstep! People were passing in the street and I'm sure it would have been impossible for them to miss the tsunami flowing down my drive. Sometimes though, you just have to ignore the embarrassment and enjoy the moment.
Im gonna name my next fart Newcastle. Lots of hot stinking air. No good for owt. Emerges from the bottom.
