Off Topic Religion.

Right now, I've recently split with my woman so was thinking of seeking God as solace.
First off let me say that I am an atheist but, that said, I think I need a new direction in life.
Trouble is I don't know which one to choose.
I want **** all to do with Christianity, that's horseshit.
It has to be something that allows me to drink alcohol, smerk tebs & eat meat.
Any suggestions chaps? None of these ones that has hidden catches in them mind.

 

Billy I thought you were already in the same church as me - The church of the daft bastologists?

 

Rastafarianism. But you can't eat bacon. I love the music, but you can't whack a bacon sandwich. Anyone who can resist that is totally weird.

 

I sometimes wish I was able to think differently and not so logically, because there is a lot of answers you can get for many of life's problems in church, if you are wired up to just believe what you are told without questioning it.

I'm not happy about being atheist, it doesn't give me this false sense of superiority like I'm part of an elite club who 'understand the truth' that others cannot possibly fathom. Many people seem to pigeon hole atheists as that sort of person, but in many ways I think I'd prefer to be of a faith, my brain will just not allow me to be consumed by what is to me, complete and utter nonsense.

 

Aye, I thought about that but you can't eat meat or drink alcohol.
Plus you have to swear your allegiance to Ethiopia.
Nee good man.
I was thinking about being Jewish but that again would rule out pig meat plus I'd have to get my knob chopped.
Hindu, Sikh?

 

I watched a program about the Sikh religion and to be honest they seem to hold the same values that I hold i.e. treat people how you would like them to treat you. Don't know their stance on alcohol, meat etc but if you ride a motorbike its a nono cause you will never get that helmet on

 

Aye the Sikh's are champion. Hindu would be alright but the cannot eat beef.
Looks like Sikh then.

 

Do me a favour mate, if you do find the ****er, ask him the winning numbers to Friday's Euro Lottery.

 

Start ya own cult.

Billy the bastard bacon cult.

Im in.

 

Billy's Church of furious masturbation, bacon, swearing and tabs.

 

Im joining twice. Have to get one of those vapour thingys.

 

Still on the wagon, do you miss it?

 

Yes and sometimes.

 

I could do, like Ron L Hubbard.

 

Well i was hoping for a more exciting cult. With strippers and drugs etc.

 

The new messiah will be a heavy chunker.

All worship the front bum.

 

Only females allowed in have to be over 50 & size 16 plus.

 

Urghh. Sounds like a devils cult.

I will have to form my own, for those who like scantily clad pole dancers. Rock n roll and bing drinking and drugs parties.

 

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Right, I am now avoiding the barbers & razors since I've turned to Sikhism.
I need to grow my hair long to get my turban on.