Off Topic Vote - HIAG's best wum **** up

Mate, you're not doing a very good job of disguising these Dildo innuendos ....

 

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.

He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.

So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to no end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

 

A vibrating dildo ?

 

Hiags mystery woman?

 

Indeed, black 8" long and battery operated.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, with 55.6% of the vote, we have a clear winner for the lads choice of HIAG's best wum **** up, which I shall honour in my sig for the season.

 

Fcuk me! If we finish above you this season you are going to be ridiculed for ever, mate!

More than you already are!

 

How does that work? You've made a wum prediction last season which like all you wum attempts it ****ed up now you're pinning your faint hopes that one day it might actually happen will somehow rectify you being a sideshow **** up.

 

It doesn't work like that though does it ? You made that prediction last season when you were scoffing that Spurs would finish above Arsenal, right before you ****ed it up.

Also Arsenal had finished above Spurs the season before when pooch was in charge, so that was another **** up of yours.

And here you are again, ****ing up yet another wum attempt. That's a hat-trick of **** ups on one issue alone. Only you could **** up multiple times over the same comment. Congratulations.

 

Wow! You certainly went out of your way to prove to me that I haven't wound you up, mate!

 

And you've supposedly a family wedding today but have taken time out to talk about not being wound up.

What a priceless bell you are

 

It was last night (my time).


What a complete and utter wum fcuk up you really are!

 

Yes you really are all the lads thinks too.

 

I'm afraid I'm going to have to count that as **** up No4 over your 'Pixie knows' comment.

It's a good job that I created this wum **** up thread for you, as you seem determined to set a new record for consecutive **** ups.

 

Somebody's signature right there !

I'd add it to my own, but I'm giving your 'Pixie knows' **** up the exposure it deserves

 

here's a funnier joke:

HIAG

 

I knew he'd have to come clean sooner or later.

 

HIAG bottling the avatar bet now included in his long list of **** ups