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What about a Friday joke

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by wheresmycoat, Jul 29, 2011.

  1. wheresmycoat

    wheresmycoat Member

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    No Racist jokes please:emoticon-0150-hands
     
    #1
    wheresmycoat, Jul 29, 2011
  2. Jip Jaap Stam

    Jip Jaap Stam General Chat Moderator
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    A duck goes into a bar and asks the barman for some bread.
    Barman -Sorry mate, we don't sell bread.
    Duck -Can I have some bread please?
    Barman -Like I said pal, we don't do bread.
    Duck -Can I have some bread please?
    Barman -Listen, WE DON'T DO BREAD!
    Duck -Can I have some bread please?
    Barman -Right you little feathered ****, if you ask for bread again, I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar.
    Duck -Can I have some nails please?
    Barman -We don't do those either!
    Duck -Can I have some bread please?
     
    #2
    Jip Jaap Stam, Jul 29, 2011
  3. Leon Bessi

    Leon Bessi Active Member

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    #3
    Leon Bessi, Jul 29, 2011
  4. Otto Flayshow

    Otto Flayshow Well-Known Member

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    A penguin is having problems with his car and drops it off at the garage to be fixed. The mechanic tells him to come back after lunch and he'll let him know what the problem is. The penguin pops in that afternoon as requested and the mechanic says, 'It looks like you've blown a seal.'
    'Nah,' replies the penguin. 'I've just eaten an ice cream.'
     
    #4
    Otto Flayshow, Jul 29, 2011
  5. The Raging Oxter

    The Raging Oxter Well-Known Member

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    I was once awarded a medal for modesty but they took it off me when they caught me wearing it :sad:
     
    #5
    The Raging Oxter, Jul 29, 2011
  6. Medro

    Medro Well-Known Member

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    John F Kennedy, Indira Gandhi, John Lennon. If history teaches us anything its if you don't want *your child assassinated don't name them after an airport!
     
    #6
    Medro, Jul 29, 2011
  7. Otto Flayshow

    Otto Flayshow Well-Known Member

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    A black fella, a Pakistani and a Jew walk into a pub.

    What a fine example of an integrated community.
     
    #7
    Otto Flayshow, Jul 29, 2011
  8. Eastender

    Eastender Member

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    Just got back from my mates funeral..........
    He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball,

    It was a lovely service............... <ok>
     
    #8
    Eastender, Jul 29, 2011
  9. Shameless

    Shameless Well hung member

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    Doctor, doctor I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!
    - can you be a little patient?
     
    #9
    Shameless, Jul 29, 2011
  10. Null

    Null Well-Known Member
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    A: My dog has no nose!
    B: How does it smell?
    A: It ****ing doesn't, it's not got a nose, YOU NOT LISTENING YOU ****!
     
    #10
    Null, Jul 29, 2011

  11. Zinc Alloy

    Zinc Alloy Member

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    Amy Winehouse arrives at the gates of Heaven to be greeted by Michael Jackson and St Peter.
    Amy says, "Oh Michael, are you here to greet me because I'm a musical genius like you?".
    Michael turns to St Peter and says, "Who is that horse faced junkie and where are all these Norwegian kids you promised me?".
     
    #11
    Zinc Alloy, Jul 29, 2011
  12. warpedpig

    warpedpig New Member

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    whats blue and ****s pensioners?

    hypothermia..
     
    #12
    warpedpig, Jul 29, 2011
  13. Otto Flayshow

    Otto Flayshow Well-Known Member

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    What's only got 1 ball but ****ed lots of women?

    [NSFW]Peter Sutcliffe's hammer.[/NSFW]
     
    #13
    Otto Flayshow, Jul 29, 2011
  14. ToL1D7

    ToL1D7 Member

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    Whats orange and rhymes with parrot?
    Carrot
     
    #14
    ToL1D7, Jul 29, 2011
  15. Sam Axe

    Sam Axe Active Member

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    I am stuck at work, I am bored, I am hungry and I have bawache. More jokes please as I need cheering up.
     
    #15
    Sam Axe, Jul 29, 2011

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