Hebrew Lesson: Written across the wall of a cave were the following symbols: It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least 3,000 years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The president of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that during a famine, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews." The audience applauded enthusiastically. Then an old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots... Hebrew is read from right to left... It says: 'Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that chick"
BB, is it wise to post that on a board where a mod is a Jewish woman? I know Hornette has a sense of humour, but we all have our limits.
Ralph, an American aged 72, is visiting London for the first time. He decides to skip the afternoon tour and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of the local brew. After a while, he finds himself in a very high-class neighbourhood. Big, stately residences ... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all ... no public toilets He really, really has to go, after all those ales and all that trouble with his prostate. Ralph finds a narrow side street with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know." "I'm very sorry, officer," replies Ralph, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet." "Ah, yes," said the bobby, "Just follow me." He leads him to a back delivery alley, then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the bobby. "Whiz away, anywhere you want." Ralph enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. There are manicured lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the bobby's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby, "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call 'British hospitality'?" "No sir," replied the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy, and does not come under English law!"
"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. 'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"... please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image
