One for yorkie... A farmer from Skipton sadly lost his wife. He contacted the Yorkshire Post to arrange an obituary. The couple had been happily married for 50 years before she passed away. The farmer went to the newspaper office to make the arrangements. When informed of the cost, the man uttered, in true Yorkshire fashion, “ Ow Much? Ah want summat simple. My Gladys were a gud ‘arted an’ ‘ard-workin’Yorkshire lass but she wunt av wanted owt swanky.” “Perhaps a small poem”, suggested the woman at the desk. “Nay”, he said, “she wunt av wanted owtla-di-da. Just put, ‘Gladys Braithwaite died’”. “You need to say when”, he was told by the receptionist “Do I? Well, put died 17th March. That'll do”. “It is usual for the bereaved to add some meaningful phrase about the dearly departed”. The man considered for a moment. “Well, put in, ‘Sadly missed’. That'll do”, he said. “You can have another four words”, the woman explained. “No, no”, he cried, “she wouldn' av wanted me to splash out”. “The words are included in the standard price”, the woman informed him. “Ah they? Tha means av paid for 'em?”. “Yes, indeed sir" “Well, if av paid for 'em , am 'avin ‘em”. The obituary was duly printed as follows................ "Gladys Braithwaite died, 17th March. Sadly missed. Also tractor for sale.”
Slightly topical.. My wife asked me what my plans for Easter were, after a few minutes I replied...I think i will do the same as Jesus, I will disappear on Friday and turn up on Monday....she is not amused!
As it's Easter... Jesus was left to rest in peace after his crucifixion. Then a bunch of Tories rolled the boulder away and told him he was still fit to work.
A cab driver picked up a nun. She got into the cab, and noticed that the VERY handsome cab driver wouldn’t stop staring at her. She asked him why he was staring. He replied: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.” She answered, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.” “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.” “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: No. 1, you have to be single, and No. 2, you must be Catholic,” she responded. The cab driver, very excited, said, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!” “OK,” the nun said. “Pull into the next alley.” The nun fulfilled his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they got back on the road, the cab driver started crying. “My dear child,” said the nun, “Why are you crying?” “Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.” The nun said, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a costume party.”
Officials at a US university were left red-faced after their decision to rename a law school after late Supreme Court judge Antonin Scalia prompted hilarity over its unfortunate acronym. George Mason University in Virginia said its law school would be called the Antonin Scalia School of Law. The eagle-eyed immediately took to Twitter to point out that the acronym would be ASSoL. The university has since renamed it as the Antonin Scalia Law School.
Similar story with Newcastle College which was due to be renamed City University of Newcastle upon Tyne..... true It is now called Northumbria Univesiity
One of my cousins has the initials ARS - my Uncle and Aunt must have had a premonition as that cousin is gay.
