Wrestlemania 32 - 'The Granddaddy of them all' - is underway live from the At&T Stadium in Dallas, TX ... brought to you by Snickers ... yum yum On the pre-show Kalisto retained his US Championship vs Ryback, Team Total Divas defeated Team B.A.D and Blonde and The Usos defeated The Dudleys in the tag match Fifth Harmony perform America the beautiful And now here is the big pre-event promo Aaaaaaaand here we go, the show is fully underway as Michael Cole introduces it
The wrestlers make their entrances for the Intercontinental Title ladder match Dolph Ziggler is out first, then The Miz, followed by Sami Zayn, next out is Stardust In the meantime we are shown the Spanish and German announce tables ... does anybody ever hear these guys Here comes Sin Cara, quickly followed by Zach Ryder The champ Kevin Owens comes down the ramp now to a good pop Now the French, Italian, Russian, Portugeuse and Japanese announcer's tables The bell rings and the first match of Wrestlemania 32 gets underway
And your winner and new Intercontinental Champion is ... Zach Ryder ?! ... who pulls down the belt hanging above the ring to a simultaneous chorus of boos, cheers and wtfs That's an upset ... one out of left-field A good enough match allowing Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn to take the fore and reignite their NXT rivalry with some nice high spots featuring the other wrestlers as well utilising the ladders for some cool bumps
Jericho makes his entrance first in his customary light-up jacket Another plug for Snickers ... I'm getting hungry And here comes the phenomenal one Styles The bell goes and the match is underway
And your winner is ... Chris Jericho !! Jericho countering the phenomenal forearm with a codebreaker to get the pin Lot of people expected Styles to win this as it's his first 'Mania and has been hyped up but Jericho is Jericho, a future Hall of Famer, so it's not a big shock, a little bit maybe OK match, nothing special, not **** but not that good, seen it before as they've had so many matches on free tv in the build up Now we get an interview with Zack Ryder who is understandably rather pleased with his new title
Aaaaand next up is the handicap match for the Tag titles between New Day and the League of Nations ... First out are New Day who emerge with actual giant cereal from a super-sized box of their Booty-Os cereal looking frankly ridiculous ... I'm still hungry They deliver a promo next to the box and make their way to the ring with Francesca the trombone And here comes the New Day with a decidedly more sober entrance to plenty of boos, not because they're actual good heels but because fans hate Sheamus a lot and Rusev a little bit and don't give a **** about King Barret who is leaving WWE soon
And your winners and new Tag Team Champions are ... League of Nations !! Strange result and slight shock there as New Day were expected to retain by many This League of Nations team is utter ****e King Barrat gets on the mic with his Blackpool accent to say how great the lads are and how 'there are no 3 men in history who could go toe to toe with us' ... then ... It's Shawn Michaels !! HBK's music hits and out he comes ... And it's Mick Foley !! ... And it's The Texas Rattlesnake Stone Cold Steve Motherfucking Austin !! Providing the night's first Holy **** moment, crowd is going mad They hit the ring and deliver a beat down to League of Nations This is ****ing awesome lads, awesome ... Mr Socko, sweet chin music and a stunner to del Rio, Rusev and Sheamus Then Barrat gets all three again just on him The three legends stand triumphant as Austin's music plays The defeated New Day re-enter the ring and their music starts up as they try to get the 3 to booty dance. HBK and Foley oblige, Austin takes some convincing, reluctantly dances a bit then lays a stunner on one of New Day before cracking the beers as only he does ... that was only going one way wasn't it
Some adverts as we all need a break after that epicness Promo for the no-holds-barred street fight between Dean Ambrose and Brock Lesnar now
Lesnar is out first, accompanied as always by his advocate, Paul Heyman The ring announcer starts to introduce Lesnar but Heyman waves her away takes the mic and does it himself, Lesnar is fighting 'out of the university of violence' Here comes Ambrose Looking forward to this one, hopefully should be good with some weapons and **** Ding ding and away they go
Aaaaand your winner is ... Brock Lesnar with an F5 onto many steel chairs !! That match was a massive let down, very anti-climactic, promised much delivered little ... some chairs, a fire extinguisher and a solitary kendo stick after they teased many weapons last week on RAW, chainsaw for example and Ambrose got out Mick Foley's barbed wire wrapped baseball bat that Foley gave him but didn't use it and as soon as he did got pinned ... what a joke, legit pissed off by that as I'm sure will many others Ambrose's character is a joke right now, deffo needed to win that and didn't, Lesnar didn't need the win Next we get another Snickers ad with Rick Flair getting Zack Ryder to try and do his signature Woooooo, Zack can't and only does his own Woo Woo Woo, other wrestlers who have had a bite of a Snickers fair better
Now there's a recap of last night's Hall of Fame Ceremony And out onto the Wrestlemania 32 stage come the recipients of this year's HoF rings, the class of 2016 ... The Godfather, Stan Hansen, Big Boss Man's family, Jacqueline, Joan Lunden, The Fabulous Freebirds, ****ing Snoop Dog and Sting
A recap of the announcement of the new WWE Women's Championship belt now So that means the Triple Threat for the new belt is up next, but it's the promo first as we relive the rivalry between the current Divas champ Charlotte and the challengers Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch Here come the contenders Becky Lynch comes to the ring first Here comes Sasha Banks first introduced by a rapping Snoop Dog (he is her cousin) and some really really **** singers who are completely out of tune, god this is fecking awful, they're getting booed, Banks gets a good pop And lastly here comes Charlotte accompanied by her father Rick Flair, who let's be honest, is the only reason she's in this position ... The bell rings and we're underway
Aaaaand your winner and still and new WWE Womens Champion ... Charlotte !! That was a v good match, possibly the best so far which says a lot about the state of this company (drew the first 'this is wrestling' chant of the night from the crowd) with some great wrestling and spots, nice storytelling, plus Rick Flair got taken out by Becky Lynch but it was a terrible finish and not the right result Think Banks was expected to win the title so that's disappointing as she is probably the best out of the 3 of these, hit a couple of the best moves here, and should be the new champ, WWE is very stupid Fireworks inside and outside the arena now
Time to get serious now ... the Hell in a Cell cage is being lower in preparation for the anticipated Undertaker vs Shane McMahon in Hell in a Cell But first ... a promo for the match
Shane O Mac out first ... here come the money !! He's shuffling all over that stage, and so are his sons now who come running out as well, can't work out if that's a good or a bad sign Undertaker's frankly ridiculously slow and lengthy entrance now ... one of the main reasons why the show is like 6 hours ... ****in hurry this up a bit mate, come on ... I'd love it if somebody ran on saying that giving hand signals Right. They're both - ****ing finally - locked in there now and ready to go There's the bell, Shane leaps at 'Taker straight away with offence
You know I never really got the concept of hell in a cell, ok there's a cage covering the ring and they get thrown into it a bit but it's not like it hurts more than hitting the mat or that wrestlers run away very often, as that seems to be its only function, stopping them walking away or assistance getting in, but as the distance it extends outside the ring is pretty much normal for where wrestlers land anyways it's quite pointless, how often do they walk away from a match like this or get help, not much Meanwhile Shane has 'Taker in a triangle choke submission which 'Taker suffers through, foaming at the mouth, before breaking free and choke slamming Shane onto the steel steps he has brought in the ring
Aaaaaand your winner is ... The Undertaker !! That was a very good match. After a pretty even match up Shane jumped 20ft off the top of Hell in a Cell to nearly elbow drop 'Taker through a table after nailing him with a toolbox and a monitor, that was feckin crazy, seriously mad ... but 'Taker rolled out of the way, carried him back in the ring and hit a tombstone for the win with Shane still saying bring it, even though he was incapacitated. After that amazing bump Shane took the end of the match was v questionable again, not sure that was a good result They're stretchering Shane out on a spinal board now So far 'Mania is only OK, there have been very entertaining and a couple of really spectacular moments but overall it's being compromised by just strange, awful booking which is deflating and taking the wind out of the sails It's the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale up next and here come a load of wrestlers who get a joint entrance with no music instead of individual ones because nobody gives a **** about any of them ... it's filler. Mark Henry, Kane, Diamond Dallas Page (wtf ??!!), Big Show and Shaquille O'Neill (even more wtf ???!!!) get their own shortened entrances The most exciting thing about this is that there are rumours of a surprise entrant, John Cena or Brawn Strowman, yep him There goes the bell and it's underway Shaq and Big Show have a stare down, then double chokeslam Demon Kane, Shaq is the biggest man in the ring
