The Daily Arsenal

**** that! Do I really look like a mug to you, Stan? Punters pay me £350 and hour for planning advice, and you think I'm going to give it to you for free! I don't think so, my friend.

 

This is a closed case so the planning advice has been conducted, paid for and implemented. I thought it would be interesting to compare your opinion with that of a professional lawyer who had reviewed a planning consultant's report.

"Why are you doing this to me again Stan?"

 

I've got actual real (paid) work to do, Stan. I don't do free second-opinions.

If you're not happy with the lawyer you've been using you should sack him off and get someone else, mate. I'll have a word with my line supervisor during my next *** break (I'm due to change shifts, soon - switching to the salad dressings and putting the mayo in the buns). He got divorced last year and he swears by his lawyer - said he does a bit of everything. Cheap, too, so I'm told.

 

Really? Even if you were charging £350 an hour you can't make more than £60 a day, unless you charge the owners of not606 for your time.

Deal's been done, your opinion would count towards nothing other than your credibility. It will take you ten minutes to review and give a view. You spend longer than that trying to work out where to put the commas in your cartoons.

Now I could believe that you're one of those kind of lawyers, operating out of a crappy one room office above a bookmakers on a ****ty high street, proudly displaying your framed law degree from the University of Guadalajara!

 

£350 an hour

At 6 hrs a day over 47 weeks that's nearly £500k a year.

Sounds legit

Another whopper to add to the HIAG collection.

 

I didn't say that I bill every every hour. I usually put in the odd few minutes between tables.

 

Times tables?

 

Maccy D tables. They won't let me near the grills after I nearly set fire to the kitchen, so I've been demoted a couple of stars and put on cleaning tables.

 

... that's a pretty poor charge-out rate tbf HIAG ... that's less than a newly qualified in one of the big accounting firm's and lawyers are usually more expensive than accountants ... just saying.

 

Indeed, Fossil, that is quite true. Were I still working in the City, my charge-out rate would probably be double.

 

... that would still be below senior manager in one of said firms? ...

 

I don't know. It's been a while since I worked in the City.

 

So you're a conveyancer then?

 

Wash your mouth out!

 

Sorry, a commercial property lawyer then.....

 

I think he's made it very clear that what he knows about property can be summarised in large font on his micropenis. The way he shambled his way out of my Section 73 challenge was embarrassing for the poor old man.

 

So we're ruling out a hot shot commercial property lawyer then.....

 

I work with a very good builder, and we develop plots in a very desirable part of the world. We make a very efficient and experienced team, and what with the way that the construction market is coming back, with banks lending 65% of actual market value (plus 100% build costs), we're going to make an absolute killing over the next 10 years.

 

What kind of properties do you build and what price psf do you value engineer your construction costs down to?

 

HIAG frantically Googles construction costs