1 Preface With the planned Watford FC Fans Not606 Meet-up scheduled for the coming season, it is imperative that attendees are well versed and comfortable with dealing with the inevitable mentalist. 2 Statistical research Being an internet based forum, there is a 100% chance that at least 1 in 3 users is a registered mentalist. The probability of at least 1 mentalist attending the meet-up is very, very high, if not a certainty. 3 How to deal with mentalists “Enough with the mind boggling statistical analysis, I want to go to the meet-up, but am not sure how to deal with the said mentalists.”3.1 The first stage to dealing with a mentalist is to understand them. You need to know how to spot them, and crucially, how to avoid them. 3.2 There are a number of characteristics, which, on the face of things, appear normal. These characteristics are telltale signs that someone isn’t all there and knowing these characteristic will put you in a good position to successfully avert any uncomfortable liaisons. 3.3 Characteristics of mentalists include: Old clothes — one of the most obvious signs. Most mentalists are unaware of the need to replenish clothing. To a mentalist, clothes are merely a distraction. They get in the way and are considered to be unnecessary. This results in mentalists often purchasing one set of clothing with the intention to never purchase any replacements. (NOTE: this can be a difficult characteristic to spot if the mentalist is a “newbie”.) Dirty hair — usually distinguished by sticking up patches of hair, greasy clumps and foot particles. This is the trade mark of a mentalist. Similar to a gang tattoo, it is a way mentalists indentifying fellow mentalists A Lidl bag from the 1970’s — “if it aint broke, don’t fix it”. Used to carry around various tools, as yet unknown to science Wandering eyes — much like the myth of Medusa, mentalists use eye contact as a means of initiating an attack. They will constantly look around, hoping to make eye contact. Once the eye contact has been made, it is their signal to pounce. One of the best ways to avoid this is to either close your eyes at all times, or look at your shoes Snorting — it is common knowledge that mentalists do not have the social nous to hold a conversation with a civilian. If the signs above are not visible, and you have engaged in conversation with someone you suspect to be a mentalist, listen carefully for snorting between words. (NOTE: inappropriately heavy breathing is also a sure sign.) 3.4 A recent study of over 1000 mentalists has showed that all of them displayed signs of the above characteristics. It should be noted that they may not exhibit all characteristics so caution is advised. 4 Aversion “HELP! I have got into a conversation with someone I mistakenly expected to be a civilian, only to discover they are in fact a mentalist! What should I do?!”4.1 The most efficient way to lose a mentalist is to run. Mentalists are notoriously bad at sports, so the thought of a running chase would automatically put them off attempt to continue the engagement. 4.2 In some cases, it is not possible to run away. In these situations, it is advised to indicate at an appropriate point that you have to urgently be somewhere else. It is important that this other location you “need” to be is not any of the following: • Local library • Bus stop • Model village • Park/recreational area • Woodland • Asda/Lidl/Netto/Aldi 4.3 Indicating you will be going to any of the above would result in the mentalist following, as these are hotspots for mentalist locations. 4.4 If you are unable to loose the mentalist and the above methods have not worked, you will have to wait until the mentalist departs. This could be a matter of hours, however it has been known to take days. DO NOT indicate that you need to go home. Once they find your address, they will always be at your door asking you to see their latest drawing or asking to borrow some gravy. 4.5 Some studies have indicated that mild violence often results in the dispersion of mentalists. This is generally frowned upon. 5 Conclusion Mentalists are an interesting breed, but much like a lion, or a set of knives, they are very dangerous. It is important you study the characteristics carefully and familiarise yourself with them. Ensure you fully understand the aversion techniques. 6 Game time 6.1 Why not spend one afternoon attempting to spot mentalists in your local high street? This is a fun game to play, and is great for children’s parties or family get-togethers. 6.2 Practice aversion techniques with friends. This is a particularly fun game, especially when it is your turn to portray the mentalist!
Maybe you might have a slight obsession here BBW I first thought you had posted a list of hotels and pubs in southampton!!!
That's what I thought too, funny though. Will have to make sure I've washed my hair and got my best outfit on!
Norway, the discussion yesterday encouraged me to put together a guide. Need to make sure my fellow Not606 friends are safe.
I htought it would be about the area... until I saw it was by BBW and knew it would be something like this... very amusing, great stuff It will be easy to spot the mentalists.... they will be wearing yellow t-shirts with 'Hornets Nest on tour' on the front, and some random name (to everyone else) on the back
I'd be the only one without the t-shirt, as unlike the rest of you, I'm not mental!!... (I have to admit, I have always been vaguely interested in coming along)
How to spot a mentalist: http://www.not606.com/showthread.php/69451-Match-Meet-up-The-Essential-Guide Right there.
