Dear Mr Cameron Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK's economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan: There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations: 1) They MUST retire. Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed 2) They MUST buy a new british car. Ten million cars ordered - Car industry fixed 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage Housing crisis fixed 4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university Crime rate fixed 5) They MUST but £100 worth of alcohol/tobacco a week And there's your money back in duty/tax etc It cant get any easier than that PS, if more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second hime allowances. If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. Alsoâ¦â¦â¦ Let's put pensioners in jail and criminals in a nursing home. This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheelchairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clotihng would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education. Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each senior could have a PC or TV, radio and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to The criminals would get cold food, be left alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room, pay £600 per week and have no hope of ever getting out. Think about this (more points of contention): COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria? And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country? Maybe we should give each othe them a cow!!!
maybe all pensioners should go on a crime spree so they get banded up? Gangs of old buggers on mobility scooters, wearing hoodies and baseball caps smashing **** out people, joyriding, drive by's and break ins. I can see my gran now "wana buy dis 42" tv I is nicked, init", "I shot up dis geeza well bad, brraaappp!" "Dont mess wiv me, I will **** you up well bad, blood, ayigt!"
Maybe Grayson could go to a nursing home so we can get a better amangers who's signs decent players ................ Ooo and take Bates with you
HAHAHA you just showed how thick you really are. Stop paying billions of pounds to the banks that keep our entire economy afloat to pay trillions to pensioners. Funny yes, but you think it's actually a good idea!!!!
giving billions to banks isn't much better because they never spend it on anything useful. Large amounts of it get spent rewarding themselves for fixing a mess that they got the country into in the first place (but they weren't punished for doing that, and they never actually fix the mess and come back asking for more), then whatevers left is used to keep them out of the red.
But it's a necessary evil. We need the banks to be up and running for the economy to function and unfortunately there's nothing we can do about bonuses. It's very easy to say that we just shouldn't give them money and put money here, here and here to get the economy running with no cuts and everyone's happey etc. etc. but the reality is unfortunately a different matter.
Brilliant observational wit Jud, right up there with Billy Connolly. And, like Connolly, hurtingly true
