So I see the Celebrity Big Brother hashtags like #CBBKristina (whoever the **** that is) and thought they were announcing a new CBeebies presenter.
Accidentally, I'd say Mind you, with 2 ex-wives (or at least soon to be) I'm often tempted ...................
A loud pounding on the door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. .... "Over here on the swing!" replied the drunk.
A bloke was taking his car out for a drive into the countryside, after a service, enjoying its renewed performance. At one point he swung the car through a long corner and suddenly found himself losing control and then saw one of the car's wheel bumping off into the distance. Managing the regain control, he came to a halt, got out and surveyed the damage. He'd lost the offside rear and he couldn't see it anywhere. As he stood there pondering, a man in walking garb strode round the corner, rolling his wheel. "Oh, thank you very much" said the driver on seeing him. "No problem", said the man. "I saw your wheel bouncing down the road and realised something had happened to this effect. It was just a matter of walking 50 yards or so and I knew I'd find you." "That's very kind," said the driver. "Many would do less, but I'm in a real pickle." "Yes, I can see that," said the man, perceptively. "You've lost the wheel bolts, I see. But not to worry, If you remove one bolt from the other three wheels, you can tighten up this wheel again and drive home gently." "That's wonderful," exclaimed the driver. "And thank you for appearing out of nowhere, as well." "Oh, I'm from the hospital round the corner. I'm just going out for a long walk," said the man. "Well, thank you again Doctor," said the driver. "I would never have thought of that solution, in my panic." "Oh, I'm not a doctor," said the man. "I'm one of the inmates." "What!?!" exclaimed the driver. "But you're so sensible and so obviously capable." "Yes, I've said as much, but my release is a long way off, I think," said the man. "Well look," said the driver. "Give me your details and I'll look into this. You obviously shouldn't be in there." The man gave the driver his card. Presently, the wheel was bolted on securely, and the driver got inside, smiling his thanks and waving his promises. He pulled away feeling his faith in human nature renewed. Suddenly, there was a huge crash as the rear window caved in and a brick landed on the back seat. The driver wheeled round and saw the man waving. "Don't forget!" he shouted.
... but you'll choose to work more hours and build up a good client base ready to go it alone in a couple of years time running your own gym????? You'll then start opening a chain of gyms called "Beefy's" ????
Already technically alone. I pay £200 a year to rent the gym, the rest is up to me. I already have 20 people on my client list from working as a gym instructor. It just means I can charge £30-40 per hour now.
I will never have to start a new job ever again. My present occupation suits an idle bastard like me just fine.
