FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES (Must be read with a West Country accent!) The missus bought a Paperback, Down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey". Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread. In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And then began to strip. Well fifty years or so ago; I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn't weathered well; She's eighty four next week!! Watching Mabel bump and grind; Could not have been much grimmer. And things then went from bad to worse; She toppled off her Zimmer! She struggled back upon her feet; A couple minutes later; She put her teeth back in and said "I am a dominator!!" Now if you knew our Mabel, You'd see just why I spluttered, I'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered. She stood there nude and naked Bent forward just a bit I went to hold her, sensual like And stood on her left tit! Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out; My God what had I done! She moaned and groaned then shouted out: "Step on the other one!!" Well readers, I can tell no more; Of what occurred that day. Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of grey!!
Col....has Ted turned your head!.....We will have a poetry corner next. I hope no other fans come nosing around and see what we are up to here, we could lose our street wise crediability
Col - Saw on the One Show that she is actually from Oxfordshire, and that's the traditional rural Oxfordshire accent.
A few things. Self employed. Involved with the RSPB on occasions and do some pathway/public rights of way management for the council. Also mix in a few private contracts and have been known to perform in the occasional professional musical show. Variety is the spice of life eh?
Another poem by John Summers Merry Christmas No manger scene at city hall or caroling at school, no city workers stringing lights, come on, you know the rules. No pageants of the savior’s birth we wish not to offend, no prayers of thanks made publicly, these laws we mustn’t bend. No decorated Christmas tree with ornaments all shiny to be displayed on public land or the ACLU gets whiny. But Merry Christmas anyway with joy to last the season, just be careful what you say or you may be charged with treason.
More like Anne Summers. Pam Ayers seems to have disappeared off the scene - really popular at one time, witty humour but probably not cruel enough for ****s like Jimmy Tax-cheat Carr and Frankie -stick-it-to-a-disabled-kid Boyle
Christmas? Bah...humbug! “You are fettered," said Scrooge, trembling. "Tell me why?" "I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”
Nope off to Frogland Col as sorted out a deal that I only work in the UK for 9 days so not back until 14th I will buy you a pint in 2016 without fail
