I'd open homeless shelters for the young and vulnerable people sleeping on the streets. I'd invest in rehabilitation programs for criminals leaving jail. I would send money to little, unfunded villages in struggling countries across the globe. Employment opportunities to get prostitutes off the street. Open more cat and dog shelters for all our strays out there.
I remember we arranged to play 5 a side against some college friends of mine a canny few years back. Before kick off the 5 of us necked some clouds round the back of the sports hall before kick off. The opposition wondered where we'd got to. Anyway, at kick off once we stopped giggling and the sheer trippyness of the situation weared off we totally wiped the floor with them. We were like the harlem globetrotters of the footballing world. Afterwards they said that they were really surprised at how good we were. At around that time of my life it didn't matter what I did I used to get stoned beforehand. I even got stoned before my disciplinary meeting at college for being found smoking a joint on college premises.
Smoked a cigarette or a joint - even though I've gigged in some wild venues and festivals Had a proper fisticuffs fight with anyone - apart from a bit of innocuous pushing and shoving- I got hit once by unawares by an ex girlfriend she nearly knocked me out Played bingo
I have never been able to use the words 'seen' and 'saw' properly. I have never watched Star Wars. I have never put a fried egg on a chubber's back whilst my mate was porking her.
I have never turned my back on a penalty through fear of the outcome I have never scored a competitive penalty (in the match have taken 6 - not including shootouts!) I have never slept with my step-cousin (although I wish I had when I had the opportunity 20 years ago!)
I have never ate a hard boiled egg from between a womans arse cheeks. Nor have I ever drank beer from a womans pussy. I'd like to do both though.
I have never dumped a bird by suggesting we do it doggy fashion with her clothed from the waist up leaning out of a first floor window to wave at passers-by and then got a mate to start the business after she was in position before nipping downstairs to wave at her from the front door below. I have never been on a rugby tour and dumped naked off the tour bus on the way back to the hotel and still got back before everybody else to be waiting (fully clothed) in the bar with a pint for the rest of the party to arrive. I have never been on a stag night and got so pissed that I got put naked, fast asleep, into a bath full of warm water and teabags (under guard so I didn't drown!) & went on honeymoon with a tea-stain "tan" from the neck down. But I know the blokes who did...
Hope you bunged a few quid into the christmas whip then Roger. Then, once you got that done, ferrari's and hookers all round for the rest of us
I've never butt ****ed Jennifer Aniston, although i'd love to. Never grassed anyone up and proud of the fact. Never raised my hands to a woman.
You should be proud of two of them mate. And trust me, the other one wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be
