Cardew's always working his little pink socks off, in the kitchen tent, preparing elderflower and dandelion water for the lads.
I've just realised that I have another member, joining our ranks from overseas, he's took the bunk under comm's bed... all the way from Australia, it's our new weapons technician, Aussie. He's gonna be working in the garden, as we haven't got any weapons yet and Cardew is, errrm, out of action with a nasty looking flute up his arse, sort of wound.
Thats why he is a spy. He shall be smothered in lard and tied to a tree outside cliff richards house.
That's just perfect Billy, you lot **** faced on my brew and me trying to fight the unwashed all on me own.
You got the idea. But it dont matter you have all been converted into halal kebabs. Run north. Run quickly. Our warriors and dads army will protect you. As long ad you prove that you dont finger your hairy sister.
Well we were due to head out 2 clicks east at 0430 this morning but Marcus had spotted a duck just by a little pond by our base, it was flapping at another duck and the other duck got injured... last we know, he was running after the duck, with a yellow card in his hand. Hopefully he'll be back soon, we don't leave our soldiers to fend for themselves.
Dunno, he's turned up a bit worse for wear, with what looks like a half eaten corpse over his shoulder, it looks like Kevin Friend.
Billy's just in the tent with Jerry at the minute, she's sewing the hemline on a mini skirt for him, he's just spotted what he believes to be a 320 year old sea lion, that looks like it's on it's last few breaths, he's gonna get his end away before it goes cold.
Well sod you lot. I'll put my own army together, a real Northern army including myself and seven fighting-fit, Finnish, crossfit model birds. No nonsense when it comes to doing the daily chores of fishing, hunting, cooking, cleaning and chopping the wood. My own formidable fighting team of lionesses. Saunas in the bunker will be fun too.
Wanna trade, I'll send you Cardew for 3 of your woman fighters... he makes a great Camomile Tea and will help you push sea turtles back into the water.
No thanks, I'm good. Just going to do a bit of mud wrestling with my lieutenants to wind down for the day.... You can keep the tree-hugger for target practice.
Cheers, I know who my real mates are. I was gonna let you have a go on that seal after Billy. You can go whistle now.
