I was shopping in Sainsbury's this morning. I normally use the self-checkout, but it's a Bank Holiday today (sorry Sweaties) and there was just 1 old lady paying up at the nearest manned checkout, so I decided to use that to save time. The checkout girl hands the old dear a coupon for 2p off her next shop, and the old coffin-dodger takes a right flakey. "It's an insult," she says. "The amount of money I spend in here and you're only giving me 2p off. It's like a slap in the face with a wet fish. If it was £2 I could understand, but this isn't worth the paper it's written on." She then turns to me and says, "Here. Do you want it?" "Sure," I say, and she thrusts it into my hand and storms off. Does anyone else have an amusing anecdote or a tale of an unexpected windfall to regale us with?
No really but I once observed an old dear squabbling over the price of two carrots in the Asda store by the shore in Ayr.
Once, when i was about 13, I was standing at the bus stop in Milltimber with my brother and my cousin. We were, unsurprisngly, waiting for a bus to take us to secondary school. As we stood waiting, I was looking about and my gaze was drawn to the bin. It was one of these bins: please log in to view this image Randomly, on the inside of the bin, there was a tenner neatly folded up and slipped between the hinge that held the top of the bin on. No idea how it got there or why - sounds like a low-level hash deal drop. Anyway, i went to school and bought a chocolate muffin for breakfast.
Sorry - I meant that i spent about 60p on a muffin. Also, when I wrote 'chocolate muffin', i was thinking of Monaco's wife.
It was probably 2p off a litre a petrol the daft old ****. I saw 2 pakis racing BMWs and one crashed into 3 parked cars and then drove off. **** wrote off at least 2 motors. Just yer average day in the south side.
Several years ago when I was but a youth, there were some derelict prefabs nearby me. Me and my mates broke in and made a gang hut in the attic. Unfortunately someone set it ablaze and we had to evacuate. When the fire brigade turned up to put out the flames they found a metal box in the attic with £30k inside. We never even noticed the box
I was in a queue for a burrito recently, guy in front of me let's me go ahead of him as he couldn't decide on what he wanted. The girl infront of me, now that I've moved up one, offers me a free burrito as she has a voucher for buy 1 get one free Yummy Do I feel guilty? Did I pay half her burrito in thanks? Did I ****
I was once in a fish shop and the guy in front of me had a cod under his arm and he asked the guy behind the counter if he sold fish cakes. When the guy said he didn't, the guy with the cod said, whilst pointing at the cod, "that's a shame, it's his birthday today!" Saw it myself
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" " That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
They say there's no such thing as a free lunch but I once found half a kebab on the ground and it cost me nothing.
After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from?" she asked the nurse. "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them." "Well," said the nurse, "the first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks." "Ahhh, that's really nice!" said Lucy. "The second is from your husband- he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!" "Brilliant!" said Lucy. "And the third?" "That's from Eric in the burns unit," said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!"
A couple of weeks back I was on my way to the kebab shop when I spotted a five pound note on the ground. I bought a small doner and got 70p change. Can anyone top that I wonder.
I was once building a hut with a load of mates, as ye do - and I spotted some prime wood in a bush. I went to grab the wood, but noticed that there were a few wasps flying back and forth underneath it. I wasn't going to risk it, so I shouted for my wee mate, and told him to go grab the wood, while I seen to a bigger bit of wood in another corner. Next thing ya know my mate is darting away with a big **** off swarm of wasps chasing after him, like something out of a cartoon. He got stung about 50 times, was funny as ****.
