Big Vern's blog

PS, Vern: I assume you compost your grass clippings?

 

Many thanks for the advice - I will probably give the feed a miss. The combination of plenty of recent rain and sunny days has made it grow quickly. I mowed it today and it is both thick and lush.
I do compost my clippings in a large plastic container with a lid - having said that I have not used the compost on anything yet.

 

Green thumb.
As cheap for a one off as buying the stuff. And you get weed killer.

 

Cheers for the tips - this is the first year I've tried proper gardening and growing my own crops, so don't quite have your experience.

The strawberries I grew in a trough, and on a raised wire shelf away from slugs. Fed them the same fertiliser that my flourishing tomato plants got. They were probably just **** plants I bought really (from B&Q which could explain it). Good success with gooseberries though - once I got rid of Gooseberry Sawfly larvae - the gits!

I did actually have to feed the lawn a couple of times. Mainly when I discovered chucking salt on a slug slithering on it also killed the grass, (yes, very naive). Recovered the bald patches well though. That tea leave idea is a great one though - I do only drink loose-leaf tea nowadays. We are very posh over here.

 

Vern, do you grow drugs?

And do you sell?*





















*For a friend.

 

Strawberry plants should be good for 4-5 years before they lose their vigour. I have propagated new plants from runners for decades. I think they were Cambridge Favourite or another old variety. Given this year's rot, I have dug them out and plan to buy a modern variety with more disease resistance and propagate from those.
If you have garden compost or manure, put some around each plant in the autumn. Put straw or shredded paper under each plant when the fruit forms next summer. Net them to keep the birds off. Bon appetit.

 

Leek growing, Vern, it's the future! Pot leeks, long leeks, bragging in the pub leeks! Can tell you a story about a real-life leek adventure, but you have to want to, Vern.

 

Tomatoes.

They love water.

A lot.

Get some decent tomato feed for them too if your soils not up to feeding them properly.

But water. Especially if they're in a greenhouse.

Oh and pluck out the middle sprouts too.

 

Yep, have to water mine at least daily even on cooler days. Warm days they need twice daily watering. And that's without a greenhouse.

Cannot recommend Lizanno and Sweet Neat Yellow varieties highly enough though - esp for beginners. They stay small plants, very easy to grow, and don't need the side-shoots removing - just water, feed them occasionally and let them grow outside. I now have literally hundreds of tomatoes on just 11-12 plants.

Now, has anyone tried growing Trinidad Scorpion chilli plants? They're proving a challenge - I have some strong, healthy plants but getting the flowers to turn to chillis is proving more problematic. 7-digit Scoville Rating fruit should be the result!

 

I never saw you as an allotmenteer Happy.

You think you know someone and then this...

 

Well my mate at works growi g her own at the moment.
Its the 1st time so when i gave her a lift home a couple of weeks ago i had a skeg at them( i was sick of her going on about them)
Jesus Vern they where like Peas and green has **** completely ****e.
Id say hang in there kid then stick em in the window til they go red

 

I'm surprised that your kid doesn't know that too, he seems to have his fingers up a lot of arses, you'd have thought one of them belonged to Alan Tichmarsh

 

Wasn't that an album by Cypress Hill?

 

Do you think you've fertilised as many tomatoes as your kid has young fillies?

 

Allotments are like buses Kemps.

Not for everyone.

Not for me.

Too public.

Before I ran away to see the world with the RAF though, I was a gardener at a big house. Happy days there I can tell you. Head gardener was called Henry and was as camp (and lovely) as a camp thing. Other gardener was called Sid, who smoked untipped capstan full strength continuously, and coughed a lot, and was the sort who would look scruffy stark bollock naked. It was a wonderful start to employment for a young 16 year old I can tell you.

Oh shed arrived btw. Bloke had it up in 15 mins. Poetry in motion.

However, I'm off to chat to a financial bloke today and getting our house valued because we're moving further north. No, not that north, Peterborough. One of our requirements is a bigger garden, which will of course require a bigger shed.

Exciting times.

 

We can grow just about anything here but the main problem is the birds and wildlife. I had much more success in a greenhouse especially with Tomatoes, Apple Cucumbers and Strawberries. Like somebody else said, plenty of water and you should be right.

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Back to the lawn I have one or two bare patches which will need attention. Is there a best time to patch it up and what methods do people use.

This is my first year at any sort of gardening and I am a bit of a novice. Thanks in advance

 

First off, why are you lot growing these exotic plants are n your gardens? Get em in the loft with a UV light.

Second, I can't believe Happy bought a shed and got 'bloke' to build it for him. WTF is wrong with you?

 

No need for a UV light. The tomato plants are getting plenty of natural sunlight and warmth in their current positions.

 

I have St Johns Wort in my garden which is a natural depression remedy, every match day thread I feel like going out and harvesting some for myself