Shamelessly stolen from Facebook! My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.’ She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said ‘We’re sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.’ The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the people at MacD’s. IDIOT SIGHTING. We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘You need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, ‘NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.’ We haven’t used that repairman since…this happened in Ipswich, Qld IDIOT SIGHTING. I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P & W office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’ Story from Collingwood, Melbourne. IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE. My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. From Bankstown, Sydney….. IDIOT SIGHTING. I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’ This happened in Elizabeth S.A. IDIOT SIGHTING. The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an ‘intellectually challenged’ co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘what on earth are blind people doing driving?!’ She is a government employee in ATO Newcastle NSW AU. IDIOT SIGHTING. When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘its open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I already did that side.’ STAY ALERT! They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…….
tip for the day. Pretend you are delivering the budget by holding a red briefcase and kicking a poor person in the nuts
A Yorkishireman and a Scouser go into Greggs the bakers. The Scouser nicks 3 pies and puts them in his pocket, then boasts to the Yorkshireman, "Did you see that? The staff never even saw me." The Yorkie says, "That's nowt mate, watch this." So the Yorkshireman goes back into the shop and says to the manager, "Gi'us a pie and I'll show thee some magic," and eats the pie in front of him, and then does it twice more. The manager says, "So, where's the magic in that?" The Yorkie says, "Go and check that Scouser's pocket."
A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the clerk, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat foot to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat." So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food. . . . The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof. So the lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food. . . .One day later, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box, quickly pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells like crap." . . . The lady replied, "It is. I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."
Not sure if this really should go in here, but it made me laugh. I just watched the video for Flash by Queen on YouTube. Reading the comments, someone compared General Kala's look to Lady Gaga - wonder why... please log in to view this image
Paddy comes home from work one night and his wife says "paddy, the doctor thinks I'm pregnant and wants me to take a sample in tomorrow" Paddy says "that's great, but you look worried what's the problem" Wife "I don't know what a sample is" Paddy "just go down the road and ask Mrs Murphy, she's bound to know she has 6 kids" Wife " I don't know Paddy, me and that Murphy woman just don't get on" Paddy "it's easy, just knock on the door and when she answers say, top of the morning to ya Mrs Murphy, what's a sample" Wife is doubtful but needing to know, off she goes Wife returns 30mins later with a broken nose, split lip and black eye Paddy says "jaysus woman, what happened to you" Wife "I told ya Paddy, I told ya, me and that woman just don't get on. I knocked on the door and when she answered I said (nice as yer like) top of the morning Mrs Murphy, what's a sample. She replies, piss in a bottle so I says **** in yer handbag and things just got worse from there.
Seen on an A board outside a chippy in York last w/e: "Buy a fish supper and pay for two and get the second one free" I went back for a second look just to check.
A balding, white haired man from Sherman Oaks in California, walked into a jewelry store in a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.' On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, 'There was only $25 in your account.' 'I know', said the old man, 'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!' REMEMBER... Not All Seniors Are Senile…
